I just need to vent! Recently I realized that while I have been struggling with our issues the last 3 months she has been working on her communication and relationship with her ex---for the sake of their son. I new something else had captured her attention! I saw it and felt it! She becomes so focused on what she thinks is right that she just blurts out what is going in in HER life without thinking how to include me or how it might hurt me! While she and I are fighting and calling it over, she has been healing wounds with her ex and building a stronger foundation for them as ex's and mom's to their son! Four years of her untreated ADHD---four years of me fighting for her well being and she gives it all to her ex! She even thanks me for teaching her good communication skills so that her and ex can get along better---telling me she loves me so much for teaching her these things! But then dousnt take the time to do them with me because what is the pay off? With ex it is their son. With me...it is what? And she hyper focuses to the point where she can't even talk to me about it because that would slow her down! Now they are all chummy and supportive of each other, where they use to be at odds with each other. I know....that's a good thing, right! But all that time I was in tears and filled with anxiety and depression while she focused on her relationship with her ex!
The trust between us has died, I don't cry in front of her anymore nor share any of my feelings because of the last 3 months. I wake up anxiety ridden because I feel I am sleeping next to a stranger. But her connection with ex. "They are now friends" has grown and healed. While I suffer in silence. I found a marriage web sight for us to do together......that was 2 months ago.....and she never got around to doing her part. Why? Because she was obsessed with healing relationship with ex!
i am so tired of this relationship and it being all about her! Always, all about her and what ever she is hyper-focusing on. Always her ideas, her wants, her interests. Never what am I interested in, what are my dreams, fantasys, wants and wishes. The other day I tried to talk with her about something and she complained it was too early in the morning. But this morning, at the same time as the other day, she had no hesitation to unload a dream she had to me, this morning she is showing me all the cool videos she finds???but last night I wanted to share some with her and she said she was too busy. It is always about her and her son, and I'm sick of it,
this morning I looked at her and thought....I am sick of u! I am sick of your ADHD! I don't think I love her anymore! I don't think I like her anymore!
and sex......forget about sex! If she isn't hyper focusing on it, it dousnt happen! Even if I try to come into her or text something sexy to her, if she isn't in the mood it is like pulling teeth. And she can go for weeks without even thinking about it. Oh, but once she does....it is all about what SHE wants it to be like, no matter how much sharing and opening up I do....it is all about HER ideas,
I am sick of her ADHD, I am sick of dealing with it and the impact it is having on my enjoyment of life! I loved her more then anyone else I have ever loved......but I have no more in my heart to give her! :(