High Performing but Tired

Hello ADHD fan club.

I'm new here.  I've been fairly gunshy about admitting ADD for most of my life...but when originally diagnosed, there was no H yet if it gives you a timeframe as to how long its been.  Like most of us, I can be very high performing at times and sometimes it's best to just crawl back into bed.  Still, over the years I've gotten enough tricks in to be relatively high performing and to put myself into situations where I'll do well and avoid those where I'll fall. 

I grew up in a small rural village.  There one didn't talk about mental health problems.  I was known as bright, but flawed, but high energy.  Could anyone guess what it might be being in concert, marching, jazz bands, church commentator and piano player, 4-H County President, football, tennis, basketball, drama, school paper editor etc.??  It was in college where sheer will didn't always work against a demanding curicula.  I got into Honors Accounting off the start.  Did well, then failed a midterm....Dean was looking for drops, came back and got the highest grade on the final.  At any rate, point being, I didn't finally seek help until just after college.  I had a friend refer me to an amazing Dr. at Northwestern and she put me on the original cocktail of Straterra, Lamictal and something else (I forget).  It was amazingly helpful as was her guidance.  I settled down and finally moved up fast in an F200 company....not huge, but respectably and above pace.  It brought me out to CA.  Where I met my wife. 

Wife may rub most the wrong way.  She was looking for someone to control.  I was looking for someone to control certain aspects of my life.  We fit.  We both had our respective places in Silicon Valley, and then bought one together, renting the old abodes.  I kept fighting the game of thrones at various places, and carved out an above average living.  Unfortunately, at some point my body began to reject Straterra and Lamictal and I had nowhere to go but to a stimulant.  I'd hoped to avoid it, but lacking options needed something.  Fast forward a decade of sedentary work  (accounting) and I'd become overweight, weak and not healthy.  When an unexpected coup occurred where I was last working and some idiots took over and brought in their clueless friends, the entire finance team was eliminated.  I saw my chance. 

Rather than scamper back to the same old rut...I joined a gym.  I started working out.  I went to classes.  I picked up a trainer.  I've been getting stronger, more fit and healthier.  With insurance in flux I decided that (after 3 doctors had tried previously due to circulatory concerns) I would go off my stimulants.  It's been rough...but great....and very slow.  (So apologies for the writing....still learning to cope). 

I wish my wife would be a bit more supportive though.  She's grown accustomed to nice things afforded by my paychecks.  Every day her hands and wrists are adorned with $35K in jewelry.  Her clothing is high end.  We have a 7 figure home in CA (aren't they all) and a couple rentals to boot.  The accessories are all very high end....the only thing banned as a don't go there is Hermes.  When we fly, we fly first class about half the time.  It's a blended family and I have every intention of putting the kid through college.  I have a Telsa S, she has to slum it in the late model Lexus until her Tesla X comes in. 

She likes money for the things that it can buy.  I wanted money so that eventually I can run away from working.  The most likely way I know how to do my job is to deal with the personnel during the day and as they're leaving, then I get going on my stuff and hyperfocus.  That's a lot of 12-14 hour days over the past 30 years of working.  It's taken a toll on my health.  I need to invest some time there now. 

Yet I've been relegated to errand boy.  Constantly needing to stop whatever's being done to do something small or another thing.  A horrible task for me is cleaning the house.  Give me specific chores and I'll get it done, but to go through the whole house and not get distracted is a fool's errand.  She doesn't want me to get a maid.  Every day is barrage of dismissals on things not done.  While I love her, and think she's trying to propel me back to work....I'm now demoralized.  This really wasn't what I was working so damn hard to get to.  My wants are so simple and small.  I just want peace and to put together a routine that will be energizing and include good habits.  I realize she's never seen me at home so much, and never off medicine.  Not really sure what to do.  What I want is to get her to understand and accept that I'm not killing myself so she can get another property in a bougie part Silicon Valley.  Our place is lovely (albeith messy).  But if she won't accept it....


1.  Any non stimulants besides Straterra that you've liked?

2.  For anyone that's retired, especially before their spouse.  How do you set limits?