how to address

ySo, I've known about my ADD since I was 12 but only started really trying to deal with it a few years ago with the births of my children. I've tried a lot done the two steps forward 1-2 steps back thing. Recently started viewing add issues as an addiction and have been attempting a twelvish step program. In short I feel like I've been trying really hard to be a better partner and father. But I feel like I can't ask anything of my SO without being reminded of how terrible I was... with backsliding sometimes was means last week. During our most tender moments she seems to understand what a, quoting her, "bitch" she can be, but during conflict she never seems to think of that as a bad thing. I can't seem to ask her to be nicer to me without being reminded that she's "not your mommy not your daddy". She recently got fired and it was in part due to our childcare arrangements, arrangements that put extra burden on her. But whenever I try to step up and assume responsibility for something I'm doing it at the wrong time/place/degree. I can't share things I'm enthusiastic about because eventually I'll be asked why I'm not as enthusiastic about childhood development. I feel like any concerns i have are trivialized the way she interacts with me is justified and that if I'd stop being so selfish maybe we could get somewhere... and maybe that really is just the way it needs to be. I'm writing all of this pre meds so requests for clarification are expected. I don't know what to do when I'm on a productive upswing and feel so depressed.