I want to address the anger and verbal abuse with my ADHD spouse. Its out of control and I feel im living on egg shells. I cant deal with the bipolar extreme ups then bam youre being verbally abused
I want us to get help together so I can learn to understand ADHD personality and adjust things I do to help. I want him to understand the affect it has on me and for him to take responsibility to controll his own anger
Let me set the stage of our relationship and a describe typical evenings.
Married 7 years
My ADHD husband is Irish and a Scorpio. Loves life very affectionate loving attentive. He knows he has ADHD and has dealt with it for years before me.
I , the non ADHD wife am English and a libra ( balance and harmony important to me)
We merged families . Have 4 healthy children. All out of the house now.
We are healthy
Have a successful business
Are 2 years away from accomplishing our goal to be debt free
We have much in common and enjoy a great lifestyle
we have wonderful goals to look forward to
We are both equally affectionate and our sex life is just as equal
I have the luxury of staying home and i handle everything in our lives that is outside of his job so he can focus on what he loves to do
Every night he arrives home to a wife that is dressed for dinner, appetizers, healthy gourmet food, house is beautiful and music on. We greet with a passionate kiss and hug and the evening begins
So our lives are blessed.
He shares his day , we play cards, we talk.
This will go on for maybe two nights and then, out of nowhere NASTY AGITATED ANGER over the stupidest things. Not just loud verbal anger but DIRECTED at me personally . it's painful, it hurts me. He thinks I'm overly sensitive
Example of one of those evenings and just before I was leaving for 2 days to Arizona to stay with our friends and where he was joining me in two days for a nice weekend
I'm expecting a nice date night and dressed up special
After dinner he asks
HIM " did you order that stuff for me"
ME I who orders tons of stuff on line replies "what stuff."
HIM " that stuff I needed, you know, in the car the other day"
ME "I can't remember what you're referring to give me a little more detail"
HIM NOW getting agitated with me because I can't remember the stuff he can't even remember. He points to the to vitamin cabinet raising his voice as if I'm so stupid
ME. . I'm starting to remember ..... And begin to talk
HIM interrupts and says Angrily did you even order it or just say you did?
ME. Now im upset as he is questioning me. As I start remembering .... i begin telling him. " i think i know what it is.....
HIM he walks out of the room
ME. Well, I'll tell you but now your walking out of the room,
HIM when he returns he is now so angry that when I start to tell him he says TALK TALK TALK just stop talking voice raised
ME. You can't expect me to ...
HIM Interrrupts me again
HIM Stomps upstairs loudly like a 8 year old blah blah blah
HIM starts throwing things in his way around bedroom, slamming doors
Im so upset. my evening is ruined and i cant just be romantic as if nothing happened. I go to bed after he is asleep
Kisses me and nicely asks why I'm up so early what times my flight as if nothing happened
This is mild compared to most times.
I don't know how to begin the conversation about getting help without it blowing up in my face.