How do I help my ADHD Partner if they don’t know what they want?

Hello folks, just found this forum and looking for some new perspectives. 

My partner and I have been together over two years, they have ADHD and I'm in the process of seeking a diagnosis because I may think I have it as well. My partner and I are very in love and have top-tier communication, always able to talk out everything and explore solutions in gentle, effective ways. 

What we are currently struggling with is they feel very accountable to me, in terms of texting all the time and having to report on what they do at all times, even though I make it very clear that this is not what I'm asking for. I don't care if they don't want to talk all night, all I ask for is a notice that I may not hear from them until tomorrow, but they feel they are "locked in" to giving me that answer and even if I do give them the space they want, they spend that time feeling guilty for not talking to me. They have been almost constantly in relationships since being a teenager and say they want to be with me, but "don't know how to figure this out without being single" which I know isn't about me, but is still hurtful because it makes me feel like we're doomed to not work out.

I'm so willing to make compromises and changes in ways that will be helpful to them and their ADHD, but they are also at a loss of what to do. They know they need to be able to communicate what they feel they need to me, but they don't know what that is, so I don't know what I'm meant to do. I think we are going to explore couples counseling to see if a different party can help us sort this out but I am looking for any ideas or experiences that may be similar. Thanks so much!