How do I know if there is more to it

I have stated on another thread how frustrated I am with myself - I was re-listening to a cd teaching series on co-dependency.  How in Sam's Hill am I in the middle of a co-dependant relation ship with my spouse when I worked so hard to get out of them?  My life and my children's life was spun around fixing my spouses mood -  as it was once again today.  

Several weeks ago, my daughter asked if she could come over to cook supper for my spouse for Father's Day.  "No," he insisted.  "I love to grill, so I want to cook on Father's Day."  8 pm arrives, and I asked my spouse when he was going to start grilling.  He sorta growled, "Hey it's Father's Day, I'm not gonna cook."  So my daughter chimes right in to smooth his ruffled feathers, "Yeah, it IS Father's Day so we should do what ever Dad wants."