How do I know when t leave?

Wow, where do I start? I  can't believe I found this site.  I  finally  have reached clarity  after 35 years of an adhd marriage. Our marriage has all the symptoms in Melissa's book. The most damaging are my husband's outbursts,  his lack of emotional suppor ,my disconnecting  (for my own protection  ) and  my emotional repression. We have been in counseling off and on for years. I thought I found a wonderful counselor, but he never mentioned my husband's adhd as perhaps the root cause of our problems. My husband was diagnosed years ago and was on meds for just a few months.  I have totally ignored his adhd.

He   read Melissa's book and agrees that it is the book of us. Monday he goes to see a psychiatrist, but has already announced he won't take meds. I never should have married him. The first time we were together he threw a fit. My adult children are damaged by our relationship and both have adhd.

I feel such anger and resentment toward him and think how stupid I was and am to stay. Down deep I want out and I finally have an exit plan. When I think about leaving I  feel liberated. I am feeling very guilty. His response to me leaving is emotionless- that I should do what I have to do. I ask him how he feels about me leaving , he is pretty non responsive. I know that is the  adhd.  Oh by the way he is a non compliant diabetic and I am a health nut.

So here I sit wondering do I have false hope that things can be different now that we understand what is going on and he is seeking help.  Can he finally show me he loves me?  Can I live with him fearlessly? Can we be happy together again? I have been in this spot hundreds of times before.

Thanks for listening I am happy to have a place to vent after 35 years.