I have been married for 6 and a half yrs. Last year my husband was told he had ADHD, for him it was what he needed personally, because many things finally made sense to him about himself and the whys of things. For me...I must admit I was skeptical, even wrong. What I mean is that upon learning of his situation I desprately held on to the misconeption that once he got medication that things would miraculously fall into place, that things would get done, I would get consideration from him and that the fights would become less.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case, the meds help but don't fix. So imagine my hopelessness when I relize that I'm still battling the same battle. But on top of my personal struggle with my relationship with my husband I am struggling with the relationship with my parents and my husband.
My family is very close (extremely close), and because of life's many turns we are currently forced to be living on their porperty( on which they live too). We have been here a little over a year and things just seem to go from bad to worse. My mother who is this strict, dominating, neat freak, is the toughest to try to explain his situation to because she was brought up in a way, in which depression, ADD, ADHD, and other such similar disorders are viewed as things that a person can choose to manage and change. Of course having diffent culters doesn't help either.
It is because of her views and her "hard hand", that I often find myself pushing, scolding, yelling and belittling my husband, because he is not quick enough to finish a task, or they got offended because of a joke/comment he made. I know that a great part of the problem is my inability to stand up to my parents on his behalf and my deep frustration to the manifestations of his ADHD, but I just don't know what to do. Talking to my parents is fruitless, and attempting to communicate with my husband, never goes beyond an attempt because he literally can not stop himself from interrupting.
So far I have read all these stories and tips about how I am to accommodate to his needs, how I am to help him, and how I can better deal with his situation, and how I should be more compassionate/understanding of what HE is going through, but my question is: What advice is there for my husband to try and help me with my situation??
He is not the only one with ADHD, I too have it, in the sense that I am living with a person with ADHD. Yes our personal connection to the disorder is like night and day, but unless you know what its like, you can never come close to imagining the desperation it can become for the non-ADHD spouse.
I LOVE my husband, there is no doubt in that, and I want to make things better not just for myself but especially for him because everyday I see how hard it is for him to see me so hopeless, but there are moments when I wish I had known before we got married...perhaps we would have been better prepared...perhaps not.
Last night I promised myself and him that I would make every effort to help him, me and us, which is why I am here. After spending all day reading and finding so much information about ADHD, I feel better in knowing that he is not lazy, nor careless, and I feel like I can finally start to make changes for the better.
I chose him as my husband and that is why I feel that I am required to adapt to him and his needs, however my parents didn't and they shouldn't have to deal with his inability to pick up his tools, or put up with his other things. Or atleast they feel that they shouldn't have to.