I have been married to my ADHD spouse for almost 10 years now. He told me he was ADHD when we met but he said now that he was older it didn't affect him like it did when he was young. He took meds (Ritalin) while in college in order to be able to focus and get through 4 years to get his degree, but when it started affecting his heart he got off of it. He also had some counseling during that time (all of this before we met). Since we have been married he has been unemployed more than half the time and has had over 50 jobs, the longest lasting one being a little less than a year. Most of the jobs last between a couple of weeks to a couple of months before he quits or gets fired. It's not that he isn't good at what he does, and I think he is a pretty good worker while on the job, but he can't get along with people because of his huge ego, a chip on his shoulder and the fact he takes offense to everything. Something that wouldn't bother me a bit will set him off and he can't hold his tongue. I think often times people don't even know why he's upset. He seems to think everyone is out to get him. He also talks too much, doesn't listen well, interrupts people and says inappropriate things. It's like he has no filter. Because of all of this we are always struggling financially and it's extremely stressful for me to be the sole provider when I don't really make enough to support two people.
My H also never follows through on anything. He has started numerous projects and never finishes them. He has started quite a few small businesses and never goes far enough to make any money with them. He blames everyone and everything, except himself, for his failures. He is the king of excuses! He is a borderline hoarder and has made my home (I owned the home we live in before we met) into a junk yard. He has talent and ability to fix things but never does, so things just deteriorate until what was once something of value just turns to junk.
Yesterday he applied for a job and thinks it will be offered to him. It's hard for me to get my hopes up because nothing ever lasts. He said his "would-be" boss is a lot like him including being ADHD. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. If he gets this job we desperately need him to stick with it. I'm thinking as soon as a second income is coming in we should look into counseling. I would like to go to marriage counseling but I'm not sure if the average couples counselor will know how to deal with his issues. I'm thinking we need to find someone who is knowledgeable about ADHD but don't know how to find someone in our area. I don't think he will agree to get back on meds but I truly think counseling will help him see some of his damaging behaviors. He isn't in denial about his ADHD, but still wants to make excuses and refuses to see how this is affecting his employment.
I'd love some advice from those of you who are in similar situations.