husband moved out

My husband has been diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, and depression. He has had outbursts where he punched doors, thrown things, pushed me. I blamed his disorder for his outbursts and we have tried to work on things together with the help of a counselor, psychiatrist, medication, and lifestyle changes. The worst of it happened early on while he was drinking. He quit drinkinking after he broke his hand in a particularly bad fight. He was still losing control when he became overwhelmed. Went with him to the doc and he said that his habitual marijuana use negates his meds. He insisted that he have his freedom and wind down time with smoking and that he had a grip on it. A week before christmas he lost control. It was a sober afternoon after a few days straight of smoking. He ruined a painting that took me months to make, threw me on the ground and yanked on my arms insisting I look him in the eyes while he left me. He agreed to quit smoking after new years. I have had a really hard time dealing with this. I went into a deep depression and drank heavily for about a month. I stayed with a friend for about a week to try and get back on track and stop blaming him and resenting him for a behavior he changed. When I returned we were both sober and I thought we were starting to heal. Things seemed to be going in the right direction, or so I thought. We went to the counselor and he started to unload all the negative things he pent up to make it seem ok for the last few weeks. We fought. I am tired of being criticized for my behavior and having it be an excuse for his reactions. I can't communicate anything but positivity and understanding and if I do he has a reaction that trumps it and it becomes about him. Anyways, the next night he decided to move out. He told me later that he found out his friend was murdered. I asked him to come home but he would rather stay at his 20yr old drug dealers house for comfort. He insisted that a six month separation is what we need, got his own place, refused to pay rent at our place which my parents own, and took over the business that we run together. He is back and forth between apologizing for all he's put me through and doing this out of love,to mostly yelling at me and telling me how intolerable I am and how I am unhealthy and have anger problems and I am abusive. He is telling everyone that we just need some time and that the stress of the business got between us. I am very upset. I told him I did not want this and a onesided separation is not the way to build my trust. If I have to start over alone why sign up for this again? He has said so many conflicting things its like he is two different people that are not based in reality. How on earth can a marriage survive this?