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I would like to start out first by asking what exactly do I do in my situation? I know time, it takes time to subside the pain, but I am being impatient and maybe I'm the only one between the two of us acting like that. I recently broke up with a guy, about 11 days ago. I had my weekend of tears, but I kept in contact with the guy. Though I still tend to have a moment of sadness and half the time tears with it. As of this moment, I stopped talking to him by blocking him on Facebook (sad right a social network). We're both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend, but he had a previous relationship that lasted for three days and everyone says that doesn't count. I didn't ask who the girl was, because it was none of my business, I'm not sure if he told me why they broke up, but I didn't ask. I'll try my best not to be bias.
both of us
I don't have ADHD, but he does. I'm a junior, and he's a sophomore, we're 6 months apart, I'm the older one. He's pretty smart for his age group, advance classes and knows what he's talking about with computers. We have our common interest. In my observation of his ADHD, he says it's hard to keep still in a minute, he's sad when there's no reason to be, he's lonely (though an only child with both parents, dad is super nice, mom is always home, house mom, she gets mad and yells, and honestly I couldn't handle her job). How he treated me (will be discuss later) Since we're apart I've seen him with guy friends, but after the break up the amount of ''sisters'' (girls close to him) shrank. He's pretty normal in my opinion social wise not the greatest, but it must be hard living when you're fighting with your own brain.
We met over the recent summer at robotics, he is in his 4th year of robotics, and I just started. After we met we talked til 3 in the morning for 3 days, enjoyed it. I gave him credit for being honest, first chat he straight off told me he had ADHD, I honestly didn't take it that seriously. I was easy to tell he liked me, and somewhere in our first date we started the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I agreed because at that point the only bad thing I thought was the age difference, and I liked him he was close to my ideal guy. And apparently he also tells me I'm his ideal girl. And why it happened, some guys get stuck in the friend zone unsure if they should risk the friendship or not, maybe we were blinded and just wanted someone and just jumped into it.
A. how it was
summer/close to the end
Summer it was nice, probably the best in the relationship, still talked maybe not til 3 in the morning all the time, but we talked long. I couldn't text, so I did my phone calls with him. Met up at robotics after summer school, food dates. Though in robotics he literally wanted me always next to him, and barely wanted me near other people especially guys (which I get) though his constant questioning did get annoying.
Near the end, because of reasons piled up, I had to cut it. (next section why) I had to stop the torcher on myself, I just couldn't take it. I started losing my patience, and honestly I yelled more. I know I wasn't the greatest girlfriend in the world, but I couldn't handle it when it's day in and out, never 24 hours apart talking, I told him. I had my breaks but honestly I just needed a bit longer may a full day?
He made me choose robotics over band, I've been in band for two years, near the start of my third, he broke down crying about suicide, and I changed my classes, he didn't even liked the band. I was this years air riflery captain, and suddenly he wanted to be the captain of something especially robotics since of how many years, and he knows stuff. But his social skills, and how he behaves could be why. He tried taking my position, barely talked to anyone, made me shot bad to prove at point to an assistant coach, or at least me not doing it. Eventually we got banned from robotics because he didn't want me leaving his side. I missed opportunities because of him, I know I should just did it, but it's his reaction that causes me not to, even camp with was like two days, he kept messaging me, I called at some point.
best friend/ others
In the long run, I ditched my best friend of 8 years, it took about 7 months til she ditched. I left her because both being blinded, thought since she had other people to talk to she'll be fine without me, and he pulled the suicide card, even when considered breaking up. Eventually she became a sister to him. When I start getting mad, at him for reasons like the space issue and etc.
He went to his sisters for advice, and it only gave me a small fraction of time away. I never once told him to stop talking to his sisters, just get more guy friends, though apparently he ditched his for me, I did not ask him for that. His main sister, has him every other day for class, she's honestly a nice person. I thought, I was losing him since he did talk a lot about her. He told me, even his sister that I was something they talked about, she told me that I pretty much meant the world to him, I believed that because of how much he appeared to like me. He and his sister convince me other wise, and when she doesn't pick him for a group in class, he's offended and tells me I'm the one why he chose me, I was the last option right? I saw in one of his messages he replied to her at one point saying ''LOVE YOU'' I stifled it in and let it pass.
C. Why it ended
How he treated me, pulling the suicide card and saying he's lonely when everyone is there, and I was still there, and he had a lot stuff and people. The almost to the last straw was my best friend, but all he says though he tried getting her back for me, I think he misinterepted messages. He says to me, ''I hope I don't do this next time'' Like I want her back on my screen, and instead he tries to find a potential best friend for me, probably boyfriend approved. I didn't leave because he was all I had left. Until that night he told me because people were treating him bad, is why he treated me bad. Right then and there with facts along side, I ended it.
The day after we broke up, he cried back to me. About his main sister, after hearing we broke up and why, he went after her, saying she was the one all along. She ignored the guy. And he's upset because she's upset at him. I comforted him. Later on, he tells me he redirect it to an old school friend, he also got expelled because of her, behavior reasons. [we both came from private schools, but he got expelled for behavior, I got expelled for financial reasons, not enough money for tuition] Few chats later, he's upset because he broke a promise to her, not to guilt her in. His old school friend ditched him. And I'm just the only one left. He still pulled the suicide, and he comes after me for us to rebond with him, I refused. He came one night with his dad recently to return things back and a talk, it had to be cut short because they were blocking my neighbors driveway. My mom wanted me to tell his dad about why we broke up and he liked another girl, the dad tells me he's like that and a bad guy and he/we will call you back. No call yet.
I finally gave in advice and blocked him, honestly I can't handle it no more. And ever since the break up he only contacts me online, he never once talked to me after face to face aside from the suicide call and the night he came over with his dad. I can't be his friend if he kept telling me those things, well at least not now. I blocked him because of that last suicide card, and I cried the same night later reading what he sent to his true lover, though she's single but doesn't want him. I cried because I actually got mad for reasons and maybe lost expectations from you and yelled, but I tried. I don't think any of his sisters truly knew the entire story or at least what I had to go through when being with him, I even thought how bad he was comparing to other people.
I'm sorry for the last message I sent you. Idk what made me do so, but I think it was after reading what you sent to your true lover. I got seriously mad, I swore to the fullest extent and said a lot of stuff. I think I wanted to express my fullest anger for what I've been through, and honestly my feelings were hurt.
D. Other people
They say I'm a sweet girl and I deserve better. He was manipulative, obsessive, crazy, psycho, clingy, possessive, annoying, and much more. But I don't think those people know anyone with ADHD. I went to countless of people family, friends, people online keeping things anonymous, with the story countless repeating. I searched online about relationships, exes, and ADHD related, the research after the break up. Advice. And sometimes I get to the point, I'm repeating this again and stop for a while, then get back to it, this is probably close to my last talk about this topic. Even if we do go back together, no one or little people will be for it, a lot of people with be against it and find it stupid.
I thought I could change him, I thought I could be a reason, I was the loyal girlfriend, and apparently I get treated that way. I gave things up for him, thinking he'll turn around. But my patience diminished and tried out being friends. I can't take that, and I have to be strangers with him. Maybe after he gets over his ADHD we can start anew, or a few months after he changes. And somehow I was the one all along, and enough reason for him to change. But it's stupid of me.
F. What I think I should do now
Just stop talking to him, for a long while. Months. Get over him. Find some guy after life is back to normal longer, I have my friends even my best friend back, just wait, patience is a virtue. I have the freedom of being single. And change or no change, have numerous talks with other people if I should be friends with him, months later. I really liked the guy as a person, but how he treated me and his feelings, is a complete NO. A boyfriend is not the most important thing at the moment.
I know I have exposed you to the internet, I also exposed myself, yes more so you than me. But I did keep you anonymous, and told so few about you in real life. I think it's best we stay our separate ways. I have no clue if I'm really over you yet, but I had to get you out of my life for a long while, months while. I wish you the greatest of luck. I only ask this if I do encounter someone that has your disorder or something similar, though don't plan on it but in case we do get back together. I just wanted answers to why. I should've told your parents about it instead of avoiding third party, I'm sorry for that. But at least I guess, I did tell one of your parents after the break up when you threaten me about it. I may have left stuff out because well, I talked about this countless of times, and half way I just wanted to be done with it.