I still dont know if im doing it right

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months, we're turning 9 in a couple of weeks. At the start of our relationship he was different in a bad way, he used to flirt with other women in front of me, call them love, or say something like "this is my girlfriend", talking about the other girl. I was new to it, so i just smiled and pretend i was okay with it. He always did the same stuff, over and over again, even though i told him it hurt me. With time he did change, he never did it again, he still says some girls are beautiful and he would like to have sex with them, i get kind of jealous and uncomfortable, when i tell him to stop he laughs it off and says its a joke. He is jealous, as soon as i talk with a friend who happens to be a boy he starts attacking me, but after a minute he goes back to normal. I have to admit i have problems too. I react and sometimes overreact without thinking at all. Is just that how he acts with other girls, in front of me, as if he didnt respect me at all, well it takes the worse out of me, we fight and i guess im used to it, so sometimes i react way before he starts acting that way. I don't know if its kind of a defensive move, but every time we go out i try to be serious and at any small sign that he is going to start doing it I just explode. Again he havent flirt with any girl anymore, but still i keep reacting this way without him giving me motives, im always in a defensive position. Then he gets angry, and I know its my fault, that I am overreacting. The first times he kept angry at me, but lately he hugs and kisses me, and tells me how much he loves me, and that even though I treat him that way most of the times, he doesn't care because he only wants to be with me. Im so grateful with him for changing who he was. But again, i know its always my fault, sometimes i just want to end the relationship, for him, to do him better, im breakable. I have a low self esteem, and he doesnt take it serious, he is perfect, seriously perfect, and every time i just ruin it, i feel like i dont deserve anything at all. I'm waiting for the moment that he'll get tired and just break with me. We just fought. I was kind of agressive. Hit him on the hand, and he only made a joke about how i needed to wax. I blame my agressive attitude on only having two brothers and growing up with them. Still, he got angry and im proud so i couldnt say sorry. Saying sorry it really hard for me, anyway he was driving, taking me home, and after 15 minutes, i took hold of him hand and told him I was sorry, that I didn't thought before reacting, he pulled his hand away, looked away and didnt said a thing. I know he is tired of me. He has said it before, he has told me how he would rather go out by himself than with me, how i always have to find reasons to fight, how i always ruin things... in other words i just dont work as a partner for him or anyone. I, again, know that this has to do with my self esteem, Im to reserved, never tell him what is going on with me, just because i dont communicate easily, my friends tell me i should now that we are 8 months and that maybe i dont trust him, truth is I trust him more than anyone but i feel short when i want to tell him my problems, he's been through more than me, i've just been through emotional abuse, and i guess im to old to change. I love him but i think it would be best for us to break it off, he has given me everything, been everything to me... and im not worth it, seriously I'm not. So what should I do? talk to him and tell him all of this? Im too coward. Should I just tell him we should stop seeing each other, with no reason at all?? He changed for me and i can't do the same, this is me, im broken inside and i dont think anyone will be able to deal with me, im too hard to deal with. He also have problems but i think he wont tell me the same way i dont tell him, i just discovered he cut himself close to the shoulder... i didnt reacted in a good way, i just told him i didnt like him doing it, and it was weird, that i had never seen someone do that, he said he did it out of boredom, anyway... i just love him too much but i dont think we are meant to be together, even though most of the times we are so happy, really happy, i've never loved anyone like i do him... what should I do?