I'm almost certain undiagnosed ADHD is affecting our marriage


Hi, I am new to this forum, but happy to find a place to be able to share because sometimes I feel so alone.  My husband and I got married in a whirlwind romance.  I was traveling to Europe and we met and travelled after chatting online for several months.  We had such a wonderful romantic time together that I moved there the next year.  We lived together for 3 months then got married.  I did feel like the focus of all his desire and attention and I did feel he was a very intense personality and before I knew it I was married.  After I went through a period of shock wondering what is it I did, but then acceptance.  I filed all the paperwork for him and now he is here with me in the states.  Of course it is a very different culture here and he has needed time to adjust but we are having difficulties and now my mother pointed out and I also think he may have ADHD.  He was a premature baby by 1 mo in an incubator, and he has a lot of sensory type needs.  But the distractability and innatention is tough in our marriage and hard for him in finding work and keeping it.  The innatention is to the point that he cant even focus long enough around the house to close cupboard doors, sometimes hes left things on the stove so long (like a glass pan) that it explodes!  He's walked through our screen door by accident and broke it, and gets irritable and frustrated easily.  He has worked a lot on his temper so he no longer yells at me when hes feeling impatient which has helped a lot, but he hates being made to focus and gets irritable fast when he has too.  Also, the mess is so incredible, ive never seen anything like it and I am starting to feel as if I will never have an organized clean life again!  I work 43-45 hours a week and he does the dishes a few times or the floors and feels like hes done so much, when I do most the cooking, laundry, cleaning, working, and pay all the bills. I spend most my 2 days off cleaning, paying, bills, cooking, and groceries, errands, etc.  He doesnt yet have a liscence, which isnt ADHD but adds to the things that I need to do.  To top it off he never says Thank You for all you do or show any appreciation.  Another issue Ive seen is his inability to sleep at night.  I mean he really tries but most the time has to get up because hes so fidgety and hyper he can't sleep, so he stays up all night until 5am or so when I have to wake up for work.  This is tough because hes doesnt mean to be, but sometimes hes just too loud and wakes me up by accident, or tries to come to bed at like 3 and i end up getting 3-4 hrs of sleep for a 10hr day.  I am feeling exhausted most the time and wondering when all the happiness of marriage will begin and I will feel less like its just more work being married.  Ive been single for years before I got married and am having a hard time adjusting as you can imagine.  We do have fun at times, but our frustration seems to outweigh the joy too often.  I got him counseling through a regular counselor I have a program at work that covers a few sessions for free, but the first meeting she told him, well you have a bachelors and all you have accomplished in the past you dont have ADD!  I mean really, she has been no help, she doesnt even know him and in one session with no testing she says he doesnt have it.  He has even asked her for strategies that will help him focus, I mean how obvious does it have to be?!  Sorry just venting, thanks for listening and nice to find this place to share.