It is beginning to dawn on me

I am VERY new to this forum,  but I have been reading a lot of posts today and I can see what others have been putting up with, and what I myself, have been through. AND I realise that firstly, we cannot cure or even change our spouses all that much. ADHD is a permanent condition, and to love someone who has it, takes time, patience and the skin of a rhino. My 9 year old grand-daughter has autism. She has learned to read and write, hold a conversation, wash and dress herself, tell the time, and lots of other things that the family didn't expect she would be able to do. It's amazing - but, there are things that will probably never change. She is unable to see danger, does not understand the importance of crossing the road safely, she dosn't understand when her routine changes, even if it is explained to her she still dosn't grasp the fact that things are not permanent and there are times when things might be different throws her completely. She is sometimes over-stimulated and therefore has a meltdown. They are not as scary or a long as they used to be, but she will probably always have them when things get too much.She is forthright and says exactly what is on her mind. She can learn - but her condition will always be there and therefore her symptoms will continue for the rest of her life. ADHD is annoying ,frustrating, makes you tear your hair out when your other half is being unreasonable or saying the wrong thing to one of your friends, when he leaves it until the last minute to go and catch that train or get to work on time, or when he feels miserable and dosn't want to speak. In the same way as my Grand-daughter, my husband will always have the symptoms of this condition (he is not my Grand-daughters real Grandfather by the way, my first husband died in 1998, and I have been with current husband since 2001). I know that some marriages will not make it - NO ONE wants to tolerate constant financial problems caused by their spouse, or infidelity or violence. But for people like me, who put up with lots of other stuff associated with ADHD I am beginning to realise that he dosn't do these things on purpose, and all I can do is explain to him the things that upset me. I have never really done that before,just snapped at him or yelled or cried. He needs to see that some behaviour is unacceptable, ADHD or no ADHD. I will try to help if I can and I will also let him know the things that I will not tolerate, he is still a grown man, and quite capable of understanding and learning. Just like my Grand-daughter I know that my husband has a condition that is permanent and I cannot change him. I probably need to learn new things myself in order to cope, but I have to accept that his brain is wired differently and I cannot change that.