His untreated ADD is causing me to feel very apathetic as to whether or not I spend time with him or I don't. I used to want to spend as much as time as we could together. But lately, the frustrations are so constant, I'm finding I just don't even care anymore if I hear from him or not. I'm wondering if our relationship is dying, actually.
Yesterday was my son's 11th birthday. My boyfriend, Mark, had visitation with his own sons until 6. I'd told him the party started at 7. He didn't show up until almost 8. His reason? He was late bringing his sons back to their mother and also hadn't yet packed his bag yet to sleep over my house when he'd brought his own kids home, so he had to go back and pack and then come over. For crying out loud, he had ALL DAY to get a few things together. Didn't even have a present for my son.
He started telling me about his own frustrating day with his own ADHD son (a common refrain, yet he won't put him on meds or take him to behavioral therapy). How he tried for 2 hours to get the kid to do his homework and not until after he yelled real strongly at him did the boy listen to him and START to do it. Then the kid's cousin called to ask his son to go over and play, and even though the homework wasn't finished, he LET him! I don't know if Mark expects me to feel bad for him with his parenting struggles, but I don't. Quite frankly, I'm pretty tired of hearing about them, and that's mostly because Mark does nothing to CHANGE anything about it. I'm the most compassionate listener in the world if someone is truly having a hard time, and is trying everything they know to make things better. But by golly, to just complain over and over again while you ALLOW crap to go on is just something I cannot bear to listen to.
He's telling me that his son ruined the plans he had to take both his boys fishing because he fought so long on working on his homework. But then he lets him go and PLAY before his homework is done? What the hell? In my humble opinion, being allowed to go and play AFTER your homework is done is a damn good motivator! I'm sure, and I mean SURE, he was late bringing his sons home because he had to come back and fight some more to get Ben to finish his schoolwork.
I let Mark know that I do not want to live (eventually, if we were to marry like we intend to) with a child like that. What's of more concern to me is how his indulgent parenting style will affect our own relationship. My kids are difficult too, but I do set limits, and I do not stand for the type of behavior I see coming from his son. (Swearing at his father, punching his brother. Causing mayhem in the family or causing plans to be ruined because of his antics, etc.) I am worried about how this dynamic would affect us as a blended family...
On another note, another thing that is causing me to lose interest is Mark's lack of communication. He is by nature a very quiet individual, but so often on the phone, there are these deafening, 10-second or so silences and they drive me crazy. If you don't have anything to say, then why did you call? I have a lot of things to do, I don't have time to hang around on the phone and listen to silence. Or when we're texting, he will just suddenly stop answering me. When I call to find out what happened, he picks right up the phone. I ask why he stopped texting and he says "i just wanted a break" or that he went and did such and such, but he doesn't bother to *communicate* any of that to me. I'm just left hanging. It's so dang frustrating! I can't read his mind. I just wish he would text "brb" or "ttyl" so that I know the conversation is over. But nope, he just stops answering me.
There's more that I'm frustrated about but I'm not going to continue on this rant. I do love him but I am seriously considering whether or not I should stay in this frustrating relationship.