Losing my sanity

Dealing with a lot lately. My 5 year old was recently diagnosed with asthma. That's on top of her life threatening food allergies, seasonal allergies (10 months out of the year), indoor allergy to dust and in my belief, possible ADHD. There's never a quiet moment in my home. My husband has what I believe is un-diagnosed ADHD and he is driving me crazy. My daughter just started Kindergarten this past fall and it has been an uphill battle with the constant colds that last forever due to asthma complications. She has missed quite a few days because of sleepless nights and difficulty controlling her coughing and sneezing. My husband somehow, seems to miss out on all of this. He somehow manages to go to work, without missing any days. Never seems to have to give up sleep and of course, never has to be the one run around to appointment after appointment with her. I'm exhausted. I haven't had a good nights sleep in months and unfortunately that is affecting my mood and making me very angry, even resentful, at times. I don't have the energy to do anything that slightly resembles fun. Even if I do get out, my mind is consumed with thoughts of all that is waiting for me to take care of when I get back home. Again, hubby has no knowledge of anything. He constantly puts our daughter at risk because he does not ever consider her allergies and asthma. It's always about the fun, never about safety. He never supports my concerns for her, because he thinks that I am overly protective of her for no real reason. He always wants to go out to eat and doesn't understand how dangerous that can be.

He also has a problem with telling his family (his mom and siblings) no. Every time they want to do something, he's in, without ever consulting with me. He just assumes that because they want to get together, we should be there and thinks that I am a grouch when I say no. He doesn't get it...EVER. Every holiday they expect us to be there, with no regard to our plans and that fact that we have a young child. Needless to say, I don't look forward to holidays because it always ends with huge arguments. Not to mention the fact that they are serious drinkers and never dial down their drinking at gatherings that involve the children, which I have a problem with. My husband thinks that I am being a prude and gets angry. I keep telling him that is not the case. I don't agree with some gatherings, so my daughter and I don't go. HE just goes without us. Then I have to deal with his anger because his family gets upset that we weren't there and that they don't get to see our daughter. Mind you, no one ever calls us or even show concerns when we end up having to rush her to the hospital. At this very moment, she is getting over a cold and asthma attacks for the past week and he's not here. He got a call from a family member who needed help fixing something as we were getting up this morning and felt the need to run over there, with no regard for what needs to get done around here. He took his shower and was ready to go. Funny though, there's a laundry list of what he needs to do and has been promising to do, but every one else's issue is a priority. Where is this level of urgency when it comes to us?

He has a terrible habit of rushing out of the house, trying to get nowhere fast, and then starts with the cell phone calls. He does this a lot. Why do you leave out in a hurry and then start phoning home to ask what needs to be done. He's the last one to come in in the evening, but then he's the first person ready for bed in the evening. My daughter is still running around in her day clothes at 8:30 pm, but he's showered and ready to relax. Every night, even when she's sick, he is the first one to bed. On nights when she gets up constantly, he is totally unaware. By the way, he sleeps in another room two levels down, because he snores like a bear and refuses to get it checked out. Neither, my daughter nor I can get any sleep otherwise. No need to mention how there is NO intimacy, not that I even want any the way that I've been feeling lately.

It is all so overwhelming and depressing, at times. He is supposed to be my biggest supporter, yet I feel like he is the main one that goes out of his way to discredit me and all that I do to make sure that our family is okay. He knows that our daughter has her "issues". She's a happy child who knows her situation, but I try to teach her to be okay with all of it, she's just a little different when it comes to some things and has to be careful. All the while, I cry at times because I carry the burden of the task to make sure everything goes good for her and that she can live as "normal" a life as possible, and hubby just pretends nothing is wrong and hopes all is okay. I wouldn't mind so much if he just let me be when it comes to certain things, or just supported me, but why does he only involve himself enough to criticize me? 

Thanks for listening!!