I've only been married to my husband for 10 months (Anniversary is in October) and I've known since we started dating 4 1/2 years ago. At the time I just dismissed it as 'oh, everyone now a days has ADHD it's the new big thing' but the more time went by the more I've begun to see it. We have a child together, a 7 month old and since we brought her home it's felt like I'm raising two children, not one. At first I thought maybe I was just being too hard on him about house work, about helping me out with our daughter, but things haven't gotten any better. He always seems so lost on how to do things with her even when I explain or tell him. Anytime I ask him to do something like empty the dishwasher, he'll do some then just leave the rest on the counter or in the machine and when I ask him to finish he gets mad or just doesn't and I'm left to pick up after him. At work from what I understand, he's doing fine. Rarely gets in trouble, has good percentages and rates. At home, sometimes it feels like I'm living with a lazy roommate, not my husband. I'm scared to fight or say anything sometimes because I don't want my baby to take in any of my negative energy. She doesn't need to be in a negative environment. His mother is very concerned about his ADHD and has raised her concerns on more than one occasion. She only wants what's good for him, for him to continue school (he has an associate's but doesn't want to do anymore because he's got such a good job) among other things. He eventually gets mad and changes the subject.
I find myself imagining how much easier things would be if it were just my daughter and I because then I'd have kind of control of my surroundings. I don't know how many times I've started to look up divorce laws. I don't want that but sometimes like I'm waiting for things to get bad enough. This might be TMI for some people, but the bedroom feels like another chore, and I fear having another kid with him. He had never really been romantically inclined; only brought me flowers when he knew I was upset or angry. Now it's not even there. Nothing, and attempts I make get shot down.
At first I thought I was over-reacting, being too dramatic for a newly wed but I find myself relating. Am I supposed to be this miserable? I've told him that before. I've said that I was miserable. He got mad and brushed it off. Reading these blogs have brought me to tears because I feel like I'm reading about myself. I'm about to start school again in a little over a week (haven't decided what major, but something with healthcare), so I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to be able to handle this plus work and a full-time school-load.
Sorry for the tl;dr post. Part of this stems from an argument about why I clean at night. I can't bring myself to do it during the day on a work-day ("like normal people" he says) and the house had become unacceptable for us and a baby to live in. So I cleaned up. Either way, it gets done so why does it matter if he's not the one doing anything?