My husband and I have been struggling with his ADD (no H) for years. He's gotten on meds and then he was at least willing to be employed. But I still feel like an afterthought in his life. He does nothing in the house. As I write this (3 on a Sunday afternoon) he's asleep. I am very frustrated. All of you know this story.
He has agreed to try marriage counseling again. We've had mixed results. The first counselor we saw was wonderful. She was our age and cut through his crap and got him to understand that if he refused to even look for a job, I was justified in leaving him. She was an intern and was required to drop us when she got a "real job." Then we saw college students who were studying at a psychology clinic at our local university. We felt like "the blind leading the blind." They did not want to focus on what I see as the real issues--how can I forgive him for refusing to work for 3 years and letting me go without meds for my hypertension for all that time? Why didn't he care if I could have died? The other issue is that he does nothing in the house and can't remember anything. He lost my keys today and he's sleeping instead of looking for the only key we have to my car!
I made this appointment with a counselor at the clinic where he gets his meds. They focus on anxiety and depression (my husband is depressed, co-morbid with ADD). We are going to pay way more than we can afford, even after insurance. How can we make sure we get someone who understands ADD and won't discount its importance to the marital problems? How can I tell if this is the right person to help us? Basically, I just made the appointment with the only person on staff who has appointments on Saturday, because he is too hyperfocusd on his job to see someone during the week. That's not a good way to pick but he often works til 7, so it's very hard to find someone who will do it on Saturday. I feel like this is just a shot in the dark, but there are very few options since he won't leave work early because I need this. What questions should I ask? A bad counselor can make things worse. How do I avoid that?