My ADD spouse is so scattered. I don't even exist. Anyone?

I have been reading lots of posts about feeling alone. And that how bringing up your own feelings just cause a fight. BEEN THERE 20 yrs now. But besides just pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, learning to live with it or just leaving-how do you help your spouse recognize that you are not the bad guy? The intro of I phone and I pad has been the worst thing ever. He gets to talk endlessly about himself but when I grab a minute of conversation, heinstantl has to check something. When I question he just saysIM ADD. I CAN'T JUST SIT HERE DOING NOTHING. And so since he only hears half of what I say, and since he's not looking at me, he only gets half of that.  When I pause and ask what he thinks I hearNOW WHAT DID YOU SAY?  So I've just decided to not do that an more. When events come up and he saysWHY DIDN'T U TELL ME  I just say that I forgot. The impending fight will not be worth it since I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW BUSY AND STRESSE HE IS.   To his side, he was just dx add 1 1/2 yrs ago.  He's 46, works in mgt for a billion dollar company and is. Finishing his masters degree. Yes he's busy.  I also have two degrees and two professional licenses. I know about college. Now I'm a stay a home mom with an ADHD son and a daughter who is exceptionally brilliant at school.  8 & 5. He cannot talk about our sons problems without internalizing and feel I'm picking on Jim!  One big fight this week came down to him not listen to me or answering questions about things.  He has so decided I'm not trust worthy and ruin all the relationships in his life, that now he has secret friends. Well u can imagine the red flags that went off. Long story shorti had questions he couldn't answer. And mostly because he honestly can't remember where he was at a certain time. But if he had been talking with me all along instead of busy with something else, there would have been no questions.  As I e heard before here, I'm tired of walking on glass because he hides behind add. If he knows it's a problem, then take extra time to slow down. Of course I'm always crying and emotional-it's the only time I'm important enough to listen to. Anyone else?