I have been with my ADHD/ alcoholic partner for 14 years now. Our lives are not perfect but, with a lot of hard work from both of us, we have continued to grow in our marriage. We are going through a particularly difficult time right now because he has lost his 3rd job in as many years.
Throughout this process I have found it really helpful to remember that I have choices... some of them are good and bad, but they are MY choices. Every day I choose to stay and work on this marriage I am choosing to stay, choosing my marriage. It doesn't matter what HE does, nothing I do will influence a change in him. If he ever gives up on us I already know what my decision will be. I am worth more than financial difficulties or heartache.
I hope that all of you who are ADHD spouses know that you are not victims of a situation. You are people who are making choices and you are fully entitled to make ones that are in your best interest. Sometimes the other person changes and sometimes they don't, the important thing to remember is that YOU and your development are the most important thing. No one stands a chance unless you are a healthy, whole person.
Good Luck ALL!