new here

A friend recommended this site to me.  I've read some of the things posted and all I can say is, "Wow!  I thought I was the only one!"  It's good to know I'm not alone.  That others with a spouse with ADHD are having difficulties too.
Things have been extremely hard the last three months.  My husband has been, well down right mean in his words toward me.  And when I get upset, he looks at me like I'm nuts.  He either honestly doesn't remember saying the things to me or he doesn't get why I took them personally.  Well, when my HUSBAND says he wishes he never got married, how can I not take that personally?
Things are not made better by the fact that 4 years ago our first born son died.  He was 3.5 weeks old.  His death was ruled Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy.  We now have a 2 year old daughter and a 4 month old son.  My husband recently admitted that having another son was hard, and he didn't expect it to be.  Me, I knew it would be hard, I just didn't know how hard.
I need to think things through some more, do more research.  But, right now I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone.  And, I am also going to request my husband start taking medication.  He was put on one when he was a child, but it didn't help, so him mom took him off.  Shortly after we got married, he started another medication that he had an allergic reaction to.  After that, he tried bio-fed back.  It actually helped.  However, the only person in our area that has the equipment and training no longer does it.
I want my husband to try another medication.  I really can't take his nastiness much longer but have no place to go.  Anyone have any suggestions for "right" way to go about convincing my husband to get on medicine?