No more cheating thankfully!

My partner has ADHD and I think in order to save my life he would run into a burning building. But...if he sees a nice looking girl at a discotheque, he  wants to hit on her, flirt, dirty dance and eventually kiss...

He has hit on 4 girls and kissed them. He stopped at the point when tongues were getting involved. 

The period before that it had been far more worse. He has made literally hundreds attempts to start internet affairs. His succesrate was high I think. Everyday he sextexted, or could have cybersex. Twice a week he had phonesex and webcamsex. He lied about it constantly, it was an addiction. When it all came out, he stopped the virtual and the phone sex. But the flirting remained and he had difficulty ending an internet affair. He secretly contacted her even years after the truth was exposed. When he had broken my trust again he would not comfort me. He left me alone with the hurt. He always promised me to change, but he never really did. 

Now, I am jealous and suspicious. And it has been an issue still. He doesn't go out at night without me. It stops him from cheating ofcourse but it doesn't fix the root of the problem. He likes the ladies and he tends to get even more impulsive when he drinks. A dangerous combination.

When I found out about the kissing (4 months ago), I remained stone cold for the first time. I was angry that he was continuing his cheating and lying and that talking with each other, ADHD groupsessions hadn't helped. So I told him something drastic. I would go and cheat with some guy and he agreed even though it hurt him of course. I have been very open about this and told him every detail. He was shocked that I had done such a thing. Totally out of character. And now he has experienced my pain and we both think this was necessary even though it is a very unconventional method. 

He's now talking to an ADHD coach and he records the conversations. It really helps him. He now has accepted that it is likely that he breaks my trust again and that something has to be done before it is too late. He has a really nice coach, who gives good tips. We listen to the recordings together. During the conversation he doesn't have to put effort in remembering things, that's why he records. It helps me too. It sounds like that he really is willing to do something about the tendency to cheat. Now he knows how much it hurts to be cheated on, he is less likely to do it himself we both think.  I think this will get better!! 


Greetings from Holland