I was starting to feel a bit better because my wife has started to look into getting evaluated for ADHD. Then she called just now and I feel horrible.
I am due to have surgery next month. The surgeon filled out the form to indicate I will be out until mid February. From past experience, I believe I can return Jan 2. I have enough sick time to cover until Jan 2, but not until mid February. HR tells me that 1) I will need to pay all of the health benefits for January and half of february before I go on medical leave 2) I should fill out for disability until mid february and 3) Once get the disability, there is no way for me to return to work even if I feel up to it.
So, during the summer--before I scheduled the surgery--we had discussed possibly going to Universal Studios in March. My wife bought 3 tickets to Universal years ago, so we would just need one more. Plus airfare, hotels, petsitters, etc. She discussed this with the kids, even though she promised not to do so.
Then I found out about the surgery and said I would not have the time off and my arm would not be up to riding coasters.
Then she started saying she wanted to take a shorter trip in March--and move Universal to the summer and add Disney!
My son recently talked about going to Universal in March, and I told him that I would not be up for it and--I admit that I should have thought before adding this--that his mother wants to move the trip to August and add in Disney. Yes, I was treating him too much like an adult whom I could vent with (he is 15 and has ADHD issues).
So yesterday my wife asks if one of the reasons he does not trust her is that she keeps promising year after year that we are going to Disney and we don't go. He said it was and told her what I had said about March and August--but not inlcuding the reasons that my arm would be healing and I would not have time off. So I am to blame for him not trusting her! I asked if it would have helped if we let him have continue to have false hopes for going in March. She did not recognize that stringing him along would not have helped build trust--it would make the let down worse.
She then wanted for us to plan on August--and she would not tell the kids! I pointed out that I just got hit with this uncertainty about my surgery and there was no way we could plan on that! I also reminded her that our daugher is terrified of animatronics. She again tried to invalidate her feelings and said that she is trying to get attention.
And, of course, I am wrong to think that she won't let it slip (again).
We went to Disney when he was 5, before our daughter was born. During the entire trip, she kept talking about our next trip to Disney. Even if I give in, we spend ourselves further into the hole with a trip to Disney, I am afraid that things will not change and she will start nudging me about Disney again!
She is also upset that the Neurologist we took our daughter to said that our daughter is emotionally disturbed.
Sometimes I wish I could just walk away. What, you want to go to Disney? Well, I am not your husband anymore, so do what you want. But I am not picking up the pieces. Not my monkeys, not my circus. But it is my circus--and I am stuck shoveling up after the elephants.
She wants to discuss this. I said we should discuss it when we meet with our family therapist (just my wife and I) next month.
It was sooo hard to control my anger, but I think I did OK.