Ouch. Still trying to accept the perceived reality

I am angry.  My ADHD spouse  is sad.

We are both stubborn.

"Look what you did to each other." 

I am still not fully able to grasp this observation.  Am I free from any blame?  No, of course not.  But I am so-o-o struggling with this. . . . .  "Look what you did to each other."  I had really hoped for something else.  I really hoped for - well maybe empathy?  A bitter pill to swallow.  It will not go down.