Our entire familiy!? No wonder!


I could write a book that would be rambling and off on a dozen tangents before I got to the point, but I'll try to make it brief, although I know right now that's impossible.  I am a 40 year old woman. I am married to a 35 year old man. We have an 11 year old son.  About 3-4 years ago, due to his teacher bordering on abuse, we took my son & had him evaluated by his primary care physician. He has pretty severe combined-type ADHD. We never really recognized it at home. We just thought he was a busy body, even though he couldn't sit down to eat supper, etc... I was the same way when I was a child. My parents would get so angry with me for standing by the table trying to eat real fast so I could go outside and play!  We both thought it was typical child behavior. First it was his preschool teacher that suspected he had a hearing problem. Then it was his kindergarten teacher complaining about him not listening, impulsively getting up in class, zoning out, etc. Then first grade... same thing except she was much more patient with him and also thought he was just very intelligent, bored, and busy. Then second grade came around, and that teacher really bordered on abuse.  If it had not been for a parent of another 2nd grader, my son might still be undiagnosed today. This parent saw him in the hallway in the school, hour after hour after hour-- all day long. Trying to make a long story shorter (impossible for me lol), we had him evaluated & treated. His treatment has changed so many times and had sleep studies due to really bad sleeping problems, mainly sleepwalking and doing bizarre behavior in the middle of the night, which he never remembers. It really became a safety issue. He's now he's on a regimen that's working fairly well -3 different medications Focalin XR in the morning, Focalin in the afternoon, and Clonidine at bedtime. So, he's fairly stable, but still needs increases regularly. My husband, who is very intelligent, seems (pardon me) dumb as a box of rocks.  Please do not take offense at that. I know he's not, but his brain ability and his actions just do not correlate.  I have spent almost every day since the day I met him telling him the same thing 10 times, writing it down for him, etc.. only to have him forget it, and trying to dig us out of all of the messes he got us in to. I told him (and actually our son's pediaitrician did too way back then) that I felt like he had some kind of ADHD.  You just would not believe the chaos in our household, and honestly I've felt like it's mostly his fault for the last 14 years.  He is like a kid in an adult body with adult privileges. I am not even going to get into that part. He sought a psych eval because I basically gave him an ultimatum, and was diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD. He's been on many different meds which work for a short time, but then don't help at all. If anything, they make him worse because when he "comes down" he's useless, even more useless to me as a husband and parent than he was before.  He's always appeared lazy and manipulative. People say he plays me like a violin and I'm his enabler because most people seem to think his ADHD is an act that he learned (how to be lazy & get away with it).  I don't believe that.  Anyway, he's completely unstable. Had to stop taking his stimulant because he became so violent with huge rages & outbursts for nothing... even suicidal where he would be happy as a lark 10 minutes before. So I've working on my 3rd college degree (t's a double masters), I work full time, and I have a totally crazy, chaotic family life. I've always been super-organized and on track with goals, meeting them, setting new ones.. I always have a plan, a list, a goal, and an alternate plan. Probably too focused in some ways, but that's the way I am. Well, 4 months ago I fell apart. Very stressful semester in school, wasn't able to sleep but 2 nights per week at the most, late for work because I couldn't get everything done when I needed to.  Got reprimanded so many times in a year that, in 20 years of not being late or written up for any reason, I'm now on my very last leg. One more "1 minute late" and I'm fired, even though I'm always there.  I never call in. Patients really love me. Doctors really like me.  I work nonstop when I'm there.  I work circles around most of my coworkers, although I'm always behind on my paperwork (cause I work and they sit, that's what I figured..)  Even with my chaotic life, I've still been there 1-2 minutes late at least once a month for over a year.  From foreclosure, to a bad auto accident, to my husband going nuts & violent, to my son trying to play the adult role to his daddy, to my oldest son (non-ADHD) becoming an unplanned father-to-be, to about 8 hours sleep per week maximum (no exaggeration) for me, to increased pressure at work and stressful relationships there too, to having 2 elderly parents (only child here), and one of them got sick & was constantly in & out of the hospital or requiring a lot of care.... to my coworkers bascially crapping on me every time I walk thru the door because I think they know they can get away with it... it all got too much for this ol' girl, and 4 months ago, I threw my hands up and never went back to grad school, just 2-3 weeks away from the end of my 2nd year there. (please excuse the run on sentences.. I'm know grammar, not going for structure.. just typing).   It's 4 months later and I still don't have it in me to get going. I feel like my motivation I've had my entire life has just been sucked out of me, gone forever.  My husband gets jealous  when I come off to myself and work on my work that i have to do for school. He sees computer as equaling playing, even though this is the second distance learning degree I've done.  He knows better. He can't leave me al one. If I have one little distraction (I mean--if a cat meows almost), It takes me an hour to get back to where I was.  My deadline for clearing my incomplete grades is coming up and I KNOW I have to finish this. I have huge school loans (as much as a house or more), and becoming an advanced practice nurse is my lifelong goal. I'm so close!! I should graduate in 2012. I finally got it together enough after about 4 months to set up an appointment at a counseling center. I spent about 2 hours with a MSSW counselor, and, besides obvious anxiety disorder, she really believes I have ADHD.  I'm 40 years old and an overachiever!  I'm just in shock.  She sent me home with a questionnaire to fill out. I did it, and it said 20 was probable ADHD and required testing for subtypes.  My score was 41.  :(  I really feel like I just need to get that off my chest.  She used the one that lists 5 different subtypes, and I had 4 of the 5, including "ring of fire" ADHD. Do all of those subtypes really exist in adults?  Here I am, 1 year away from diagnosing and treating ADHD myself and I feel like a complete idiot.  ME!  I just can't believe it, but I really think (Objectively) that she hit the nail on the head.  I'm going to be reading as much as I can about this in adult females, because I do not believe I fit the typical mold as far as symptoms. I see a psychiatrist next week for eval & treatment.  I'm also going to continue seeing the MSSW counselor at least monthly. I just don't even know where to begin or what to say. SHOCK!  Ok, that's off my chest.. :) I am going to get organized again.. it's going on 14 years.. but it's urgent tonight as usual. :)  Be back another day.  Please offer any advice you have. I need it.