I realized today what the overwhelming feeling I had living with my ADD ex was...pessimism.
I felt like all the dreams and goals I had before we met, were no longer attainable, nor obtainable.
I felt like the lifestyle I lived when I was single, was now entirely compromised.
Things like nice vacations, saving for retirement, home improvement projects, etc., all GONE with him.
The financial burden he put on me being a low-wage earner who wasn't motivated to find a new and good paying job, or have career goals, or the ability to map out a future, meant I was under constant and heavy financial duress. I did very fine managing my own life, but having to handle his debt, his irresponsibility, was overwhelming. I was stressed every day.
As much as I loved him initially, the more his disability overtook our lives, the more I felt like a dark cloud was over my entire world.
I miss parts of being with him, but tomorrow, although I'll wake up without someone spooning me, and telling me they love me, I'll also wake up with hope.