After experiencing my own mind's workings...And watching my wife's mind work out it's reality, (Along with all the years of study and sharing with others in life, and here for the past nearly 8 years) I have no problem accepting the great strain that does manifest when two people try to relate and come together in a unified state...(Healthy attachments)....
Think of the things we face in trying to get there.....
2) Levels of concern about any given subject
6) Health...(Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, Physical)
7) Work ethic
8) Responsibility levels
9) Self awareness levels
10) Conscience levels
11) Sound Financial awareness & handling ability
This list is daunting (sure I've left things out) to say the least....And sadly, many of us probably didn't consider the impact of these things on our relationships when we said "I Do"...There are ways around the list....Blame everyone else....Denial (lie to ourselves)....And then there's the selfish black heart of unconcern, that see's others as just a tool for their enjoyment, and to make their lives easy....
The reality of this list, and my desire to love God, and love my neighbor as myself, has driven me to acceptance over expectations, in the lives of my spouse and others.....I found out I couldn't have #6) 4 healthy realities, while I placed expectations on others based on my own human mind....
There's only one person who can decide if our situation can be corrected (livable) by boundaries....Or if the situation is to dangerous to stay in....And that's each of us that are in them.....