My whole life, I was working for LOVE and FAMILY. I never thought I needed to work for respect, especially from people in my family who were SUPPOSED to love me and have my back. I even had the idea that RESPECT was something tough and rough people demanded and that demanding respect was not being loving and partnering. That, in my case did not work. There are lots of self-centered people out there who see a loving, giving person as a schmck and opportunity to play puppet-master with them. I am working to accept that I have been too dependent and I must take responsibility for how I want to feel. I want love back in my life and I can't have that if I feel unappreciated, manipulated, unloved, resentful or angry. I am putting my energy into feeling self respect and finding people who play fair and will respect me if I am strong and independent. The following paragraph is true...I read this on another site.
Ideal spouses aren't ever desperate to please or impress, and will definitely not be willing to 'jump through hoops'. Unfortunately, the person who's actually willing to do this (because they think their loved one will appreciate them MORE if they do it,) will only find themselves taken advantage of, or even dumped. Interestingly, that's all because of the fact that you DID try to please and impress your loved one too much. For it's hard for someone to truly appreciate and respect someone like that - a person who gives too much, and expects so little in return - and earning appreciation and respect is absolutely essential for romantic love and desire. Another way to be treated well is to never, ever tolerate an ounce of rudeness, disrespect or abuse. This includes any kind of emotional abuse. Also, beware if a loved one is constantly being sarcastic towards you. That's not a sign they adore you. In addition, if someone swears around you, simply say in a calm, yet no nonsense manner; "Please don't do that."
I know that in the beginning of some of my relationships, I was strong and lightly detached and a little feisty toward them. After a relationship seemed solid, I would GIVE, GIVE, GIVE too much. I believed that loving is in the giving - giving in, giving to, giving up, even sacrificing my self. Then the relationship would fizzle and I would feel taken advantage of and depleted. I did not allow myself to be strong AGAINST the DISRESPECT that DH would serve to me. I am working on that. I believed Karma that if you give you will receive back and that loving IS in the giving of yourself. However, I believe I was giving away too much and to the wrong types of people.
I caution all of us when working with a spouse with ADD/ADHD to not give too much of ourselves for the sake of harmony and the union. So much that the spouse does not respect us anymore. So much so that we don't respect ourselves anymore. If you give of your self, be sure that it is appreciated and the giving is both ways.