Submitted by Clinging to Life on 01/21/2010.
(original post deleted...concept was to say something good about your ADD partner. See reason text was taken out at this link.)
(original post deleted...concept was to say something good about your ADD partner. See reason text was taken out at this link.)
positives about my husband
Submitted by jgf on
My ADHD husband helps with many chores around the house. He puts gas in my car, goes to the grocery store at all hours of the day and night, gets up with our baby in the middle of the night if I'm too tired to get up, shovels the sidewalk and driveway, mows the lawn, and every night he either does the dinner dishes or gives the kids a bath (we trade that one every other night).
He is wonderful with our kids! He loves to get on the floor and play with them or run around with them outside. He helps them to learn to ride their bikes and takes them on wagon rides. He'll take them outside in cold and snowy weather just so they can sled down a hill a few times.
He's also wonderful to me. He's been working with a therapist on his behaviors. He's also trying to find a med that works for him. He had one that was taken off the market and ever since, has tried to find one he likes. It's not easy, but, he's trying. He listens to me when I talk to him about what I need from him. And we work together on a plan or schedule that works for us. Oh - and my personal favorite, he rubs my feet almost every night as we watch TV together! :)
Yup - my ADHD guy is a good guy. I'm very lucky to have him.
jgf
Submitted by ebb and flow on
WOW!
He really is a great guy!!!
That's so nice to hear....
:))
What a great Daddy!!
Submitted by sksoter05 on
My ADHD Husband Works long hours on his feet all day! He comes home to a four year old, who can not wait to play soccer or wrestle with his daddy! He always makes time for my son even if he is exhausted from a long day at work!
great o know.
Submitted by QD-PRN on
Reading your story about your wonderful husband, gives me hope. I have ADHD and am very attentive to my girlfriend and her three daughters. I support her feelings and am always there for her. She left an abusive marriage and I will always be there to support her and her girls. I never offer advice or say a word when she is telling me how she feels. When she cries I just hold her till she is done crying. I feel so isolated because i know that my behaviour is not typical of ADHD patients. I am always afraid of doing something inappropriate. I feel that I am constantly at war with myself.
Adorable Little Clown
Submitted by Leonardis on
He is very intelligent, even if he sometimes makes choices that hurt him. Learning about his struggles has made me a more patient and relaxed person.
He strives, often working 7 days a week. His is in complete control of his ego. He knows how to make fun of himself, to my delight!
I greatly respect his humility and insight into himself and human nature in general.
He has a wonderful command of the English language - both written and spoken.He is a considerate lover. He is attentive to my emotional needs, but he holds me accountable for making them known!
He is interesting looking, in a way that not everyone would like, but that I adore!
He has respect for females and is there for his daughter, though not as much as he feels he should be.
I am completely at ease with him.
I sat down on his couch and my foot hit something. It rattled. "What is that?" I asked. "Oh, those are probably my jelly beans," he says.
They told me that one day my prince would come... I'm beginning to believe it!
L
My ADHD son is brilliant and
Submitted by purplepansy24 on
My ADHD son is brilliant and has the most empathetic heart. This year for Christmas he thought it was unfair that Santa brought all of these presents for girls and boys all over the world, but that noone got anything for him. He made him a gift bag with a new hat to put with his usual milk and cookies, and was more excited about "santa"s gift" than any of his own! I love you Avery!
They're only little things
Submitted by Astrea on
but they remind me why I fell in love with him in the first place. On weekends, he has a coffee ready for me when I wake up in the morning. He tolerates my 'morning grumpies' and knows not to take any of my grousing personally until an hour after I get up. He shares my passion for random trivia. He has no problem with my odder personality quirks and even encourages some of them. He encourages me in my passions. His need to keep life interesting can really keep life interesting in a positive way.
But today, what I'm really proud of him for is that he took the initiative and made some follow up calls about a job he applied for and really wants. It turned out the HR dept were interested in hiring him, but had lost some of his details - including contact details. As a result, he now has a 2 day trial with them next week, to start the week after if all goes well.
I love the attitude!
Submitted by tazangel36 on
My ADHD husband shares many of the personality traits common to those with ADHD. BUT, and this is a huge "but", he is interested in his family! Last week, it was his suggestion that we get a sitter and have a date night. He tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. He plays with our kids; scratch that. He makes time to play with our kids; makes it a priority. He does the dishes every night while I do laundry. He's on board with my cleaning schedule. He wants to be an attentive husband, and to keep our love alive.
My ADHD son was SO good with his little sister yesterday! She'll be 2 this week, but she's very short, and he hauled her up through the McD's play area to the slide as many times as she asked, with a smile on his face and a giggle. Last weekend, he cleaned up all the books on the floor of his playroom WITHOUT BEING ASKED, and was justifiably so proud of himself.
Sure, living with ADHD-ers has its challenges, but I love my family, and am really proud of the progress they're making.
My ADHD Family
Submitted by sunshine4me on
I am so glad to see a post truly devoted to appreciating the positives. I’ve been with my ADHD spouse for almost 20 years. I was a very optimistic person when we first met but over the years and with undiagnosed ADHD (until just a few weeks ago), I gradually became more negative, depressed and pessimistic. I can see bits of my optimism coming back, although it is very hard at times. So, I just wanted to say “thank you, thank you, thank you” for focusing on all the good things. Now that my husband and two of my children have been diagnosed, I know the road won’t be easy. But, I want to spend the days ahead being positive – no matter how difficult. So, here is my contribution after 20 years of life with an undiagnosed ADHD…..
Then, I look at my kids and realize what my husband was like as a kid. As we watch our 8-year-old grow up my husband regularly draws similarities between how he was as a child and how our son thinks and behaves…. Needless to say, things are never dull.
And my 13-year-old who was never able to sit still in class ….
Which leads to …..
I love my family and all their quirkiness and peculiarities. I was sitting with my oldest (non-ADHD) daughter just a few nights ago and reading through the symptoms and questionnaire on ADHD that our pediatrician game me. As I read a symptom she would say who in the family it applied to. At the end of the list, she realized that she only said her name once or twice. And, with more than a bit of disappointment in her voice proclaimed “I guess I don’t have it.” My response -“Yeah, me neither, darn it.”
ADHD Checklist
Submitted by sunshine4me on
I came across this in my research on the web. Wish I could remember the website, regardless; it’s a good checklist of the positive attributes of ADHD.
Take a look at some of the attributes below, and when these are harnessed, who would not like to live and work with such a person?
• Energetic
• Persistent
• Creative
• Warm-hearted
• Resourceful
• Often highly intelligent
• Inventive
• Caring
• Outgoing
• Humorous
• Helpful
• Ingenious
• Resilient
The brain of an ADHD individual is not programmed to society's norms, and as such, can bring a unique perspective to a group.
This, with their high level of creativity, can lead to very innovative outcomes, as their brain receives and interprets information differently.
They can also be very good in crisis situations as they are able to think on their feet and can also come up with very insightful conclusions.
ADHDers can also be very resourceful and are, therefore, able to think outside the box.
Their direct approach can sometimes be a bit 'over the top', as they say it as they see it. This means that they can often find novel solutions which may offend those not used to this direct approach.
Oft-times their recalcitrant behavior is as a result of not being able to express themselves in words, about how they can feel and see things.
They are very perceptive as to whether someone is genuine or not.
ADHD children are great observers and this is often evidenced in their acute intuitive powers.
They often inadvertently take on the role of the mis-matcher and are willing to take a chance and try new things when a situation seems 'stuck'.
As you can see, the gifts are many.
sunshine4m, you just
Submitted by tazangel36 on
sunshine4m, you just described my husband and son to a T! If you ever find that URL, I'd be interested!
Ned Hallowell's list
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
That looks like Ned Hallowell's list to me!
my list
Submitted by phoenixgirl78 on
1. I love how attentive he is to me. He makes me the most important thing in his life. Before I met him, if you'd described it to me, I'd probably have thought it was smothering or creepy. But it's wonderful to have someone who constantly tells me that he loves me. And it's prompted me to warm up to that.
2. He's got very few boundaries. Yes that can be a problem. But it also tends to show me how crazily tense we all are about stupid things. I freaked out when he was bragging about a raise he got to someone. He was citing the exact amount. I was taught it was gauche to discuss stuff like that. Later, I realized it really doesn't matter. He's also open about asking questions. Sometimes it can have bad consequences, but it also means we find out more about people and things.
3. We complement each other. While often I'm cluing him in to things that he wouldn't have thought of, he provides me with some new concepts too. He thinks of things I wouldn't, and vice versa.
4. He's teaching me to loosen up a bit. I was raised in fear of debt and spending. And while those are good, it's not good to do it up to deprivation in the present. It creates a bit of a binge and purge cycle. He's getting me to realize that we have to have a little fun in the short-term, while still saving most of our energies (and budget) toward long-term goals. I'm not, in other words, constantly living for some future date when everything will be perfect.
5. He is one of the sweetest men I have ever known. He loves me with his whole heart. He accepted me completely, which, sadly, I don't know has ever happened before. And I can be VERY tough to live with. Seriously. But to him it's all part of the package. Since he loves me, it's reasonable to wait out some of the less pleasant stuff. He's really taught me something about what love is, and about accepting people as they are.
6. He'd give me the moon, if he could. I keep telling him I don't need a lot of fancy jewelry or whatever. I don't leave the house that much anyway. (Chronic fatigue.) But he wants me to have everything I want and more. And he wants to be the one to give it to me. Which is sweet, because I absolutely hate how many things I have to deny him too, because of our limited budget. But mainly it's just so un-selfish that it's a bit staggering. He really just wants me to have things that he thinks would make me happy. I just wish he'd get the real point: being with him is better than any amount of jewelry or clothes.
7. He threatens to sleep feed me if I ever lose too much weight. I'm about 30-40 lbs overweight and it's a cause for concern. He tells me that I look gorgeous and he loves my body. And that, if I ever get too skinny, he's going to feed me butter in my sleep. It's become a running joke that can always make me laugh.
8. He understands what it's like to have a condition that affects your life in so many ways -- and have it be completely invisible. He doesn't always get it -- few folks without chronic fatigue do -- but he can empathize with me about wondering if people think I'm making it up or relying on it as an excuse. He gets the insecurity that comes with looking healthy and not being able to cope with the normal demands of society.
9. I love him because he firmly believes in soul mates and that I am his. No questions. He's in it for the long haul (and he's very stubborn) so I have stopped worrying about whether I'm going to push him away when I'm really out of control with my depression. I know it's not easy to love me and live with me, but he just says that he knew the score when he married me.
In short, having him in my life doesn't just make me happy. It makes me a better person.
Good things about ADD husband
Submitted by Sueann on
My husband surprised me last night. My mixer wasn't working and I was trying to make merange (sp?) cookies and getting really frustrated. He went and got another gadget (that I didn't remember we had), found the beaters for it, and actually mixed the batter for me! I was shocked because he membered something that Ms. Photographic Memory (me!) forgot. Yeah for him!
He is very tender and tells me all the time that he loves me. And he really does! Even if sometimes he doesn't love me the way I'd like to be loved.
Positive feedback in relationships
Submitted by drmkensington on
I agree absolutely that positive reinforcement is a very well tried strategy in handling ADHD in a relationship.
implusive
Submitted by xois on
I came home from work last night, and my husband had setup the tent in the front yard and "camped out" with our 4 year old...she loved it! :)
Thinking
Submitted by kallimae on
I love the way my ADHD husband thinks. It's different than the way I think, which we all know can be challenging, but sometimes his way of looking at things and perceiving the options is so outside the box that it's by far better than the way I look at things. He sees all the options (although they often overwhelm him and take him quite a bit of time to process) when I only see one. It's very refreshing to have him show me something new. :)
My husband is frustrating but
Submitted by Emeraldloo on
I love my big husband!
Submitted by Small1984 on
I have only just recently understood the impact ADD has on my husband. And I agree with Emeraldoo - but it may be truer to say ADD is frustrating rather than him.
My husband is the most kindest and sweetest man you could meet. He is genuine and does care, even if his ADD makes him look apathethetic. He is affectionate and before we had our struggles, he made me feel like I was his whole world. He is daft - he is a bit of a goofball and he makes me laugh!! He saves me his last Rolo, covers my eyes when we are about to see something gory or scary on TV, gives me cuddles, tells me he loves me, blows daft air kisses and tells me I'm small.
He is super intelligent and I always want to seek his advice. He is athletic and really sexy!
I love him and one day he will fall back in love with me!
x
Creative guru
Submitted by radames on
My ADD wife is very creative with jewelry and homemade cards. She also learned to be very thrifty from her grandpa which helps me with my concerns with having enough money to take care of my family. She has a very warm and vibrant personality which lights up my day when I'm feeling "overcast." I'm thankful for her.
=)
Submitted by HopelessinLA on
My ADHDer has taken exquisite care of me while i'm recovering from knee surgery. He's also never stingy with affection. I'm going into edit because there's so much more. He's funny, he can be kind, and i love him.