Hello all. I am at my wits end with this situation. I met and dated my current live-in boyfriend a year ago. He was kind, attentive and had words that melted my heart almost daily. All that changed when I moved in. His distractibility particularly with regard to other women is more than I can handle. We are now at the point that I have been talking mid-sentence and he will say "I dont want to talk about that" before I can even finish my thought. Or he 'squirell(s)' constantly...at first I thought he just had low attention span, after a little while he told me he had been diagnosed with ADHD as a child and was on meds for a few years. After being bewildered by his lack of attention and sex and mood swings it all made sense when i found this site and realized what was going on.
At this point I am beyond sad. Last night, right at the conclusion of making love.. one of his main female distractions comes on the TV and he blathers on about her and her sister. I wanted to scream. This is NOT the 1st time its happened in the last year, it has happened several times during. Not knowing what was going on, I felt hurt like he didn't care for me, I bored him or I didn't do it for him anymore. Since discovering what IT is, it has helped...but sometimes it seems to come in waves of him being very distracted for many days in a row and I feel like I am nothing to him. I have totally withdrawn into myself again, not wanting to put myself out there. I don't want sex anymore, I dont' want his attention anymore.
I am afraid to broach this with him but I cannot go on this way, I can't. My self esteem has taken a nose-dive.
Thank you so much for any and all advice.
I apologize if the entry above seemed halfway finished, it was. My step-daughter walked in as I was typing.
The bottom line is I love him for who he is...and I know that ADHD is a part of him so I have to make a choice once I broach it with him based on his reaction. Well that situation presented itself yesterday. I was so forelorn when he asked what was wrong I simply told him as best I could trying not to attack him, to tell him what I need, that I believed ADHD was why he is distracted and how I hoped we could work at it together. The initial reaction was B-A-D period. Basically, "If you don't like me then tough". I walked away and didn't talk to him the rest of the night. This morning was worse when he said I could leave if I wasn't happy. No desire to work at it, only putdowns on me.
I stood my ground and was beginning to make arrangements to leave and perhaps that spoke to him. He ended up apologizing for his words and telling me how much he loved me and wanted to work at giving me what I need.
So we are at the beginning for which I am grateful. Thank you for this site and all its great resources.