I am working hard at stopping the blame game and to stop being frustrated because of what other people do. I am learning that for me to have self esteem, I get to trust my feelings and thoughts and to honor them. I don't have to be held hostage by someone else's opinion of me or their thoughts or feelings. I am working hard at not feeling guilty for other people. I do respect those who know what they want and honor themselves more than a wishy-washy indecisive coward....which is what I was turning in to. I am going to like myself again.
It is helpful in this if you are surrounded by people who also model good self esteem and support you in yours. Even in difficult situations then, a person is more able to hold on to what is important to themselves because they are accepted and loved by a community of people with which they belong. What happens when a community they belong to rejects and criticizes you is that you start to doubt your thoughts, and doubt the allowance to be who you are and think like you think.
This goes for both of us on each side of the ADD/ non ADD coupledom. How do we both get our self-esteem back?
Right now, I can't work on giving dh his self-esteem since I don't have it to give. I never thought I NEEDED respect. I thought I only wanted love and was willing to work and be of service and support and sacrifice my self for the good of the family (right or wrong). But my love has not been enough to make a loving relationship. Somehow both of us have lost respect for ourselves and each other. Self respect has moved up to be an important need for me because of its lack in my life.
I believe that having this forum in which to vent and document my journey through this has supported me to put my feelings and thoughts on display and be responded to. I am not perfect. But my thoughts sometimes need to be acknowledged by others who are supportive. My thoughts and feelings are not wrong. They are what they are. People may disagree with me or I might hurt people's feelings with my feelings. That is life. I get to accept that and stop taking things personal and grow from the challenges in life rather than feel like a victim.
Thank you all for the supportive community. And thank you Melissa for permitting us our rants and ravings in an accepting forum.