Hello lovely people; thank you for reading my post!
I am a 28-year-old teacher and I have a two-year-old with my partner who has ADHD. I got pregnant 6 months into our relationship (yes, I know) and I have struggled with him from the day I found out I was pregnant. I was brought up with very conservative parents and was encouraged to be a high-achiever (got a first class degree in Spanish and Italian!!). I work about 50-60 hours per week as a teacher in the UK and he is a "househusband" looking after our son. My main challenges are as follows, and I have tried to break up with my partner because of these things so many times I have lost count.
-Will not get a job to pay for anything like going on holiday, which we've never been able to do because my salary only just covers rent/bills/food. (There's always an excuse, plus he doesn't even have GCSEs and his parents are "anti-work")
-Selfish in many many ways (always lies in at the weekend, rarely lets me)
-Guilt trips me into having sex with him (I give in to shut him up, not ideal of course!)
-Very needy (always wants attention, doesn't reciprocate the attention given, no communicated interest in my perspective, appears to have the emotional intelligence of a 10-year-old)
-"Cannot" / will not take my advice on money (e.g. "Don't spend the child benefit money on beer" etc)
-He is very very stubborn and is an "expert" at not accepting responsibility for himself/his actions
............and the list goes on.............
It seems like a no-brainer, doesn't it? RUN AWAY!!! But then ridiculous "love" (although it's probably emotional reliance and a skewed vision of family security) stops me following through. My flat tenancy runs out in March and I really want to get a new flat without him and start re-building my life. I have so much to offer the world (and potentially a partner), but I spend such a large percentage of my life feeling anxious about my partner and using strategies and going over the same things over and over again...........it feels like the changes he has demonstrated are SO PAINFULLY SLOW (and inconsistent thereafter). He has used a couple of different types of medication, but to be frank he is much more bearable when he's unmedicated (they make him "need a beer", he's completely wired on them, very needy, they exacerbate other [self-induced] health problems that he has). Of course we both love our son more than anything else in the world and he is an amazing dad (90% of the time), but I have lost count how many times I have dreamt/tried/told him I want to break up with him. HE DOESN'T GET THAT I DON'T WANT A FUTURE WITH HIM. It's got to the point where I no longer feel attracted to men I have had such an exhausting experience with him (not that women would be any less tiring haha!).
When I have asked him to leave and stay somewhere else he refuses, stamps his little foot and reminds me his name is on the tenancy. I have nowhere to go except for the flat I pay for in full and he refuses to stay at his parents' house around the corner. My parents are well-meaning but basically not very helpful at all; his parents are from another planet entirely and my friends are bored of hearing me cry and complain about the same problems happening over and over again.
I am fully aware that a large percentage of our problems relate directly to ADHD symptoms, but I am so fed up of experiencing them and getting no support. I'm a fully capable and intelligent person and yet in this very easily-solved scenario I can't see clearly and do the right thing.