My husband (ADHD) finally let me go to his doctor appointment with him. I knew he had not told his doctor everything that was going on (forgetfulness, distraction, shutting himself off from the world, etc.) mainly because he didn't realize how it was affecting our marriage. Let me back up a bit: just before Christmas we had a huge fight and we both said things we hadn' t said before. Deep painful emotions came out and a separation was brought up. We decided to play nice to get through the holidays and talk some more after. So, we talked and really said what was in our hearts, good and bad. I love this man so much and I know he loves me. I suggested he go to the doctor, take me to help fill in the blanks and try a different medicine. Then we wait a while to see how it goes, then discuss our marital situation. Back to the doctor, when asked questions, I watched my husband lie, but I realized his conception of time is a bit warped and he just didn't know his actions were different than what he perceived them to be. The doctor asked me questions and I told the truth, mindful not to berate or humiliate my husband. Honestly, it was if we were living the pages from Melissa's book. He has new meds and they are working, though not quite a high enough dosage. He's helping more, listening more and just basically loving more. I know he never intends his behavior to hurt me and I am so fortunate that he really is a good man. He has never done anything bad, no porn, no affairs, no deal breakers, never called me names, never screams, rarely gets mad. His main problem is withdrawing into his private world and forgetting the rest of us. And yes, I take full responsibility for my own behavior toward him. I feel terrible that I put him through probably as much hell as he put me through. In the end, we know we were meant to be together and this is our 20th year, married for 18 in May. We both will do whatever it takes to make it work. I now look at this man in a new light and feel that I really understand him now.
I have read and identified with so many other's painful posts, but at the same time I am so grateful my husband does not do many of the awful things other ADHD spouses do. I am sorry for those having to endure them and wish them strength and happiness.