Submitted by better in the garden on 02/16/2011.
This is my first time posting. I have so many questions, but I'll try to stick to just one fir now. My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD by a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD stuff. He takes meds for anxiety, but has so far refused to take anything else. (Adderrall turned him into a manic, angry mess, so he's a bit gun shy. Our lives are an ADHD rollercoaster. I try to operate within our marriage in a kind of loving detachment, but it is hard. Every few months there seems to come some kind of breaking point in him. He flips out, blames me for his problems (failing business, lack of sex ability due to prostrate disease, pick one), and demands that I leave our house, claiming our marriage is over for him. The latest happened because I went to sleep in a different room, as a result of his snoring. I do this to get sleep about twice a week, and it had never been a problem. Suddenly, after 15 minutes, of yelling and telling me he had control over nothing, he decided our marriage was over. Now, through this whole rant, I tried to remain calm, talk about how we could both flex a little to be together better physically, etc. And here's where my question comes up. The whole idea that I could have a separate viewpoint from him seemed like an insult to him. Negotiate? Flex? Try to work through our issues? Talk and listen? No way? This happens frequently with him, especially when he's angry. It's like he is constitutionally unable (or unwilling) to understand that another person can have a different and equally valid viewpoint of the same event. For him, there is his viewpoint and anything else is lying. He often talks about "the facts" in our arguments, and has even taped us in the midst of a discussion, telling me this will prove I am lying. I'm left exhausted and confused after these events. He'll fume for a day or two, and then it's like nothing happened. He dies this kind of thing in his work, and there are clients who won't work with him anymore. He doesn't seem to get how his outbursts erode our relationship. How do I cope with this? Thanks in advance for you help.