It's been a few months since I last posted on this site. Since then I have tried to make it seem like a good decision to give up a well-paying job in order to allow my ADHD wife could have some space between her and her mother; I think because she doesn't feel like a woman around her.
Anyway, I was very hesitant to lose the job security and money. It seems that she is more concerned about emotional and relational issues rather than realistic issues like having a roof over your head or food on your table. Use boundaries with your mom and you'll be fine. Nevertheless, I wanted to give her a chance to finally "become her own woman" and to allow us to grow closer together; try not to make it all about the money.
Let's not talk about the crazy timing with her being due with our third child and moving would be a lot of stress and would possibly cause an early birth. Let's not talk about my advice that we hold off on the move and get ourselves in a financially sound place before we do it. I guess she just thinks that impulsivity is the the stuff that makes the world go round.
So, extremely long story shorter, all of the excuses and promises are carrying more "hot air" as she is still allowing things to pile up without cleaning up after herself. She actually made messes for our kids and laughed about it. Expect her to clean up the messes? Add that to her mile-long to-do list which never gets done because she gets caught up just staring at it, then she's exhausted at all of work it would've taken to actually have gotten the list done and zones out on her phone or goes to sleep.
There'll always be an excuse for her. It'll never be, "I busted my butt and realize that that is what it'll take to be a homemaker. I'm organized, I have a plan, and I'll push myself to stick to it." I think it'd be more believable for Elvis to knock on my door right now, than to believe she will actually pick up after herself and get motivated to thoroughly organize and clean the house each day.
She doesn't want to be viewed as a little girl, but, really, she is. I'm raising another child and I'm getting a little preview of what our one-year-old little girl will probably look like in a decade.
Hey, I admit I was wrong. I was the one so messed up in my emotions and brain that I saw past all of her immaturity and only saw the good and warmth when I first met her.
It's great to have that if you have no responsibilities. But life is a bit more cold and rigid than that, if you want to survive as a non-recluse.
We are living out the pattern right now. Things get more and more cluttered, she gets lazier and lazier about it, I get more and more frustrated, I speak to her about it, she gets defensive and makes up excuses, I try offering advice and continue cleaning up after her and our kids, she cleans up after herself for maybe a day, or two, (if I'm lucky), then she starts slowing down and getting lazy again. For me, I don't think the teenage years of our children will be all that new.