I really think I snapped again last night. The fact that he didnt mention what the day was (late husbands birthday) AT ALL to me, says so much. The fact that he values me so little that he cant even be bothered to read a book, or a chapter of the book - or anything at ALL to improve our relationship, and to manage his own issues.... says everything.
I get so angry but I should not be surprised. He is so addicted to gaming ... he denies it of course, but what i REALLY want to ask him is about how many nights he had dinner with his little girl when she was little? How many evenings did he help her with his homework? How many afternoons did he play with her at the part or in the back yard? RARE TIMES... and yet he lived a mile from her (thats all).... he spent all his time "raiding" and online.... and now, after all of the crap we went through about his gaming (and specifically a very specific game) he spends hours each day watching videos about that game and chain smoking. Its like he hasnt grown at all.... I know that as soon as he is out of here, the first thing he will do is activate his account again and start playing. He will sink himself into his game again. His marriage will be erased from memory and his daughter will continue to grow up and have an essentially absentee father. Thankfully she does know he loves her as much as he *can* love someone that isnt himself.
I used to keep my mouth shut about it because it bothered me so much. And now- in the end, it doesnt matter. Because I wont be in the picture to watch it. I do feel bad for her though - I love her as if she were mine... . Thank god she is a pretty solid kid and can deal with so much. But it is very telling that the one person she never WANTED To live with is her dad..... even when I did everything I could to make it an option.