i came here after a search on the web about how to deal with my partner... I was trying to understand why he likes to put me down all the time, never compliments me for anything right or good I do and twists every single thing I say to put the blame on me, or assumes I'm feeling, thinking, doing things I am not. I was reading some threads and even knowing my partner isn't diagnosed with ADHD I feel a lot of what's shared here describes him in a perfect way.
First, I'm sorry if I write wrong or misspell words but English is not my native language. I'm so desperate for help because I can't stand the pain anymore. It's been a long time since I could speak and share my feelings with him without a fight. He seems to hate me and the way I feel is like I'm the worst person in the world to him, and I still don't know what we are doing together anymore. I'm with him for a year now and I feel like my self esteem is totally crushed.
I'm living with him in another country and at the moment I'm a stay-at-home wife. We don't have kids. I'm a professional and I'm not working because of my visa permits, and this situation is going on for almost 9 months now. The lifestyle bothers me and I'm aware this is temporary. He is working full time and is too bothered because I am not working. Our home is always neat, clean and I help him financially even being unemployed.
This month, after a hard time, we could settle in a new nice house and he could get a new car, things he wanted for so long. Life in general seems almost perfect, the routine at home is healthy, calm and what I call pleasant. But even with everything going well he seems depressed and is always complaining about life and how he feels empty and etc. He changed lately, and started to ignore me and give much more attention to the dogs instead. I feel like a shadow, an unwanted one wandering here. These things are hurting me very much, because I literally live for him and to take care of his two dogs, and he doesn't seem to realize how much love plus mental and physical efforts it takes.
Yesterday, he started venting he didn't feel well, so I asked him to share his thoughts... After a hard time we had in a recent past, I thought finally we could settle and enjoy our current life statuses... Bills are paid, things are ok... But he's never happy. This crushed me down a bit because it seems all efforts I make are worth nothing. I asked him calmly to talk about this last night, without any kind of accusation... I was saying to him just that I miss working a full time job, and that life inside a house doing homework all day and cleaning his dogs' mess was extremely tiring to me. That I was tired of worrying so much if I'm doing things right or wrong, because he criticizes every single mistake I make and I was trying my best to be perfect to fulfill his expectations, but this was not what I wanted as the center of my life. It wasn't his fault, I said clearly that I was just sharing a feeling and was not criticizing him, but he snapped terrible and started what he always do... Screaming at me, blaming me for things, saying I'm feeling things I'm not... Only God knows how much tired of this I am. I said to him I can't take it anymore. There's no way to communicate with him at all. Silence hurts me. Talking sweet never works, talking loud is even worse. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking in leaving him for good. Starting doubting my sanity and skills, my memory, my personality.
He had drug problems years ago and went to rehab for two years... He has a VERY short temper, screams with drivers all the time when driving for EVERYTHING, talks bad about everybody at his work, a few days pass and he's good with them again... Very bad relationship with his dad, a very submissive mother, impulsive behavior... I can't diagnose him of course, but I wanted to share my suffering here because I'm feeling terribly alone right now and wanted to see if someone can tell me what can I do to help this thing work... Or not? I don't know anymore.
