Utter denial.

I have been married to a man with ADHD- hyper focus disorder for 25 years. The only problem is that he completely denies having ANY problem at all. His ability to use his hyper focus has been very successful- as a technology professional it has served him well and been an asset. In our personal life, it has been horrible. But this professional success has led him to believe it really isn't a problem- "it's just the way he is". In his industry (and company) there are MANY men just like him, and they all seem to think this behavior is normal. We have been to countless marriage counselors, but he would eventually stop showing up. Things will be better for about 6 months (as long I am angry and he's scared I might leave), and then they slowly slide back to where we were, until I can't take it anymore and insist on something changing. Again. He found his own doctor to tell him he has panic attacks, and give him meds, but without any therapy to go with it. And my own personal therapist said I described classic ADHD symptoms in him- particularly hyper focus syndrome- but he goes into a total rage anytime I mention that he has a problem and needs help. The Lexapro his doctor gave him has taken a little of the edge off, but the distracted behavior, forgetfulness, and tasks disentigrating after he accepts them is never any better. He can play a game on his IPad for 6 hours, but can't put the clothes in the dryer even though it beeps every 5 minutes. Every thing mentioned in these pages, I have experienced- tasks forgotten (not being able to depend on him), risky driving habits ( I feel myself in danger very time he wants to drive), feeling like I have a child and not a partner, having to be responsible for our entire lives on the physical plane. I am SO grateful to have found this site, and to realize that I am NOT crazy- and he IS ADHD. But that knowledge is bittersweet when I know it won't change.