Hi there. I have lurkerd/posted before. I live in Japan, my husband is Japanese. My husband has told me that he has ADHD, and he has never taken meds for it. He's caused scenes in public, we can no longer go to certain places together. When he has a temper tantrum he throws things, yells, and calls me every name under the sun. No filter, no impulse control. We've almost gone bankrupt 3x and I have had to bail him out each time. Our sex life dried up on the day we signed our marriage documents. He has employed all the same mental tactics that a narcissist employs; in the end I am left emotionally drained. And we have only been married for a year and a half! (Together for 3)
So as of the new year, I started to see a therapist myself. I am susceptible to depression, and my relationship has been causing me to dip in and out of it more frequently. My therapist hears my stories and asks, "Why does he want to continue suffering? Doesnt he know he can get help?" We talked about ways I could coax him to come in for couples therapy. I assumed it was going to be a long road to get him to go there.
But as of last night, I have found my reason to insist. I have discovered he has a nasty habit of looking up porn on his phone (his browser history is connected to the home computer) and the time stamps reveal that its most often when he is at work. Its VERY often. And considering he never touches me physically anymore, I felt it was a cause for alarm. Especially considering that this is the THIRD time I have discovered he prefers a digital woman to the real thing. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore, so its not a simple "oh he watches porn like all men do, time to shrug it off" thing. He's addicted to it, and then he comes home and treats me like a punching bag. That's not right at all. (I'm not anti porn, I might like to add.)
And lo and behold, when I confronted him, and suggested for the umpteenth time that we were in need of counseling, he finally agreed. Of course it helps that I made it very clear we either a) fix it or b) we dont. It saddens me that it had to come to this... that his porn usage was the final catalyst.
Anyway, I'm still waiting for the counselors to return my email about an actual appointment.
Wish me luck.