My wife has two sisters, both younger. The youngest has given up having any sort of relationship with my wife due to extremely poor behavior towards her child. The other sister is an enabler and my wife knows she can have power over her by yelling really loud for a long time. It's a power tactic and her sister caves in and agrees with my wife in order to maintain a sort of peace between them. This enabling has caused problems because they twist information between the two of them continually. I've tested this by responding to this sister's interest in helping us work out our differences and that was twisted around. We no longer communicate as I no longer trust their intent to talk and agree on real issues and problem solving. My wife is happy to have someone she can now trust with her incredibly twisted information. When I met my wife and moved her to my place her sister had even told me that before meeting me, my wife was a very difficult person to get along with. Her sister's husband was in the moving van and had heard this and agreed. So there was a problem before I came into the picture. Since then, it has become very clear what the problem is and instead of working on it, my wife has decided a divorce is better then accepting any faults. Her sister is now helping her by giving her information on how to get the most out of me through this divorce. I was never allowed to even connect with the youngest sister, forbidden actually. So, my question remains and it is pointed at family members who are perhaps afraid of loosing a relationship with their sister at the expense of a marriage. The other issue I can see is that these two people (wife and sister) are sitting on their mom's half million dollar + fortune which is now in my wife and her mom's name in local bank. They've both got their mom to write the youngest sister out of her will. So another reason perhaps as to why this sister is now afraid of my wife's possible actions if she gets ticked off at her for agreeing with me. This sister had agreed with me in the past and was seriously verbally and loudly rebuked by my wife and has since been on her side. There are many ways one can "enable" a ADHD family member. However the reasons I posted here are purely selfish and at the expense of our marriage. Is anyone out there also seeing similar happenings ? Can a ADHD person be criminally minded and see nothing wrong with it ? My wife is and evidence is overwhelming and factual to the point I have had to stop action by a bank manager on bank fraud. Ask for her opinion and you will get a totally different story as she truly felt it normal to forge my signature on government cheque (s) and depositing them in a different bank account. Her sister further enables her by accepting word for word my wife's interpretation of her own reality. I'm the one who holds a very good job with many potential stressors and demands yet I do ok. I'm the one who can look after myself completely without anyone else (as I've done in the past and did very well until my wife came into the picture and got me to invest all of my savings to loose much of it when the crash happened). I say she got me to invest because she insisted and was on my case so much I finally caved against my will. Big mistake on my part and I take that responsibility, lesson learned. When my wife explains all of this (and much more) to her sister, things get twisted so bad I am left feeling like the one who is the abuser. Interesting how after a while they can actually get you to start thinking you are completely wrong and now you must be made to pay. When licensed practitioners tell me to get out of this crazyness fast, I now listen. How can Psychiatrist, Psychologists, and counselor all be wrong ? How can everyone who met her quickly realize there is something wrong with her ? It is that visible as it shows and actions add credibility to it all. Yet one sister who is very much afraid of being screamed at by my wife continues to ENABLE her even to cause a divorce. How does one get another family member to back off as they do not have the knowledge and experience ? When our counselor asked both of us to no longer speak with anyone other then our counselor to try to work things out, I did this. Yet my wife quickly resorted back to power tactics and called not only her sister but friends (one who is a lawyer in a different city). What applies to one obviously does not have to apply to another and why not when you have a need to be right at any cost ! Trying to convince this sister in law not to interfere made no difference. As a result of my wife's continued emotional abuse and a sister who refuses to back off, we are now divorcing. I am following my doctor's advice which is the same as the other mental health professionals we both saw. "Get out of this marriage before she drives you crazy" is what rings in my ears. If you can, try to keep family members who have no two clues to stay out of your marriage problems or your ADHD spouse will use that to (her/his) benefit all the way, at your cost emotionally and physically. Why do I say this ? Because when I ended up in the ER by ambulance for stroke like symptoms, I am now told it was due to severe stress. My wife's sister listened to my wife and was told that I am the one with all the problems, that I have a BPD and was born with it. That's compassion for you! And they feel no remorse for believing and acting on this. Yet no one else who tested me, knows me, works with me agrees that I have any form of mental illness. If I did, I would not be able to perform and hold onto a job that requires much (Emergency services in the fire dept.). Yet, to protect near future inheritance from their mother who is now in a lock down facility due to extreme dementia and Alzheimers, my sister in law sees fit to ENABLE my wife all the way. No Psychologist or counselor have been able to correct that situation.
Submitted by renoir911 on 09/05/2010.