I need Help!!!!! I don't care if your comments are good or bad I need responses I love my wife and I don't want to lose her.

I have been married to my wife for 5 years now. During this time I have put her through absolute hell. The anger and the things I used to say and do to her never anything physical but all mental. I was away for the very beginning of our marriage being held on restriction by the Marine Corps. She cheated on me with 2 guys and then I tried to commit suicide and then I  forgave her we moved to a city in GA and her family begged for her to come watch her brother and sisters and then i was left alone and to my thoughts while I was with her the thoughts went away but while she was away they came back harder and harder I would call her every single day to remind my self I loved her. Well my thoughts and feeling of hatred won and I got a blowjob from 2 guys. I put a aid out on Craigs list i did not care if it was a guy or girl that replied. I now feel like total crap for doing this and I am daily or every now and then having to prove to her that I am not gay nor bi. The worst part was my wife was pregnant with out son Alex. Due to the affair I was not sure if the child was mine or not. She found out about what I did through my Hotmail when she was 8 months pregnant. I feel like total crap for doing that to her our son is now 2 she has forgiven me for what I have done and I the same for her. My anger was still there and I was still being a total but-hole to her. I am very lucky that she has stuck with me as long as she has. It was about 4 months ago and I got really mad over something I can not even remember what and I said things that I wish I could take back but it is to late now. The main thing I said was that I was going to take our son.  I realized the next day that I have a big problem I set up a meeting with a local Psych whole is well known and respected in our area. She asked what type of therapy I have had I told here about the anger management therapy session I had and hated to attend. After looking at my record she said I know where your anger comes from. I see you were diagnosed with adhd as a child and while in the Marine Corps. I was relieved to hear that there was a reason why I acted this way toward the woman I loved and wanted to be with.  Well it has been four months now that i have been on aderall xr 20 mg and the anger level is normal now FINALLY. My wife told me about 5 days ago that I am not intimate with her i rarely hug and kiss her and sex has been null. She asked me well what are you going to do about it. I responded i don't know. the next day I pulled her aside and told her that we need to do something and that I did not want to lose her. She had to go to work because she just started a new job being a night auditor at one of the nicest hotel in our area so we agreed to finish the conversation later. well we would have bits and pieces of a conversation over the next couple of days. Yesterday we were finishing up the conversation and she told me she was done and wanted a divorce. I begged her to give me one more chance and she said that she has given one more chance on multiple occasions. She has done this many times in the past and I am grateful that she has. Her dad and my aunt told her to try to go to marriage counseling before she chooses to go through with the divorce. I  said i would do anything to save our marriage. She has agreed to see what the marriage counselor says I want to go to an ADHD coach that just made her even madder. Her response was so you are saying this is because of adhd and that I have to wait on you to get right and lord knows how long that is going to take.  I remembered when I first started looking up adult adhd that this was something that couples have had issues with so that is how I ended up here on the forum again.  I tried showing her similar stories from other couples on the forum and she did not want to hear it and she says if I knew about it that I should have been watching out for it. or the situations were not our situation. I did not realize I was doing it until we had the conversation about  4 days ago. I don't want to lose my wife I love her and I need her in my life she is my other half the Yin to my Yang. I am a full time college student I am a Junior that has to maintain a 4.0-3.0 GPA.  I am part of the McNair program which lets me go and get my PH. D. in my field of interest one of the conditions is I have to complete  a research project that get published and that I have to speak at some sort of conference(s). This is about (500 hours worth of work over the course of a school year)I love marketing and the use of social media as a marketing tool. This is the future of marketing. I am getting my bachelors in Business Management entrepreneurship and I have a 16 hour course load. I have 2 kids one is my step son but you can not tell me any different he is my son. Same goes for him. and we have a 2 year old going through the terrible twos and to top it off my mother in law lives with us and drives me and my wife crazy. I have a lot on plate that I thought I was managing well to find out I was not is hard for me to deal with but non the less I have to save my marriage. I also tutor to earn some money while in school. Please I need help what made you stay with your spouse after years of dealing with the drama of an adhd spouse Ie: anger... I need guidance and maybe my wife will look at the responses because it is our situation. I am truly a husband lost and I need guidance so that I may save my marriage. I