I am really struggling to accept my inattentive ADHD partner. I struggle with feeling overly responsible for him. I know that being angry or showing him that I am angry doesn't resolve the issue, it just brings up a lot of shame on his part.
I am especially having a hard time being understanding and compassionate when it comes to our 17 month old daughter. I think he struggles with caring for her sometimes because of his ADHD. It's frustrating because he doesn't ask for help, so I get hypervigilant and start to manage instead. It's hard to parent a young toddler, it's really hard when I don't feel I can trust my partner to always keep an eye on her.
The past incident has me pretty shaken up. We have a small gated backyard right off the kitchen. Yesterday, my partner and daughter came in through the gate from a stroller walk, he took her out of the stroller and let her start playing outside, and he came into the kitchen while I was preparing dinner. A few seconds later, I heard her voice and I realize that he not only left the gate open, she was running down the driveway chasing the cat. By the time he caught her, she was at the end of the driveway, literally two seconds away from running into traffic on our very busy street. It makes me really scared to think about what could have happened had I not noticed that the gate was open when I did. Other things like this have happened where he gets distracted and she ends up hurting herself or getting into danger.
So I'm trying to figure out what to do when things like this happen. I don't want to be a parent to him, and I want to be accepting, but I am so angry when things like this happen that it's really hard for me to extend love and compassion to him. I am trying to focus on what's good but when it comes to the safety of my daughter...it's hard. I know he feels really bad. How do I get through this?
This is my current anger/frustration. Has anyone else experience difficulties co-parenting with someone with ADHD?