Where do I even start?

I guess I'm looking for someone to talk to, someone who has been, or is, experiencing a situation similar to me.  Someone objective, a sounding board, who would be willing to be a friend.  I see a lot of descriptions on the boards that sound a lot like me but with one major point of difference from a lot of them, my husband is not hurtful or mean and I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.  However, his habits and characteristics are really grating on me lately, making me want to pull my hair out and seriously pushing me to contemplate whether I've fallen out of love.  Which is upsetting.   He doesn't know I'm so frustrated with him.  He knows I've been unhappy, but I've been off my meds so he tolerates my moods (I'm sure) with that being the reason he tells himself.  I know that I need to change something.  The way I approach him, what I say and what I don't say, how I react, how I cope, but I don't even know how to start.  I feel like instead of my partner he is my ward.  That I am his handler, and if I want something done a certain way I have to construct methods to direct him around it, and that I can't expect anything from him, including a consistent level of responsibility, but we've been together for 17 years and handling everything from bills and finance to hiring plumbers and scheduling vet appointments is really exhausting.  And the little things I can't count on wear me thin.  He responds to every criticism, even offered good naturedly as a suggestion or request, as an assault on his character and he's really good at filling the role of a victim of all the world's injustices. Talk about the melodrama.  I know I need to focus on myself.  I keep thinking "be the change you want to see" but like I said I don't know where to start and I'm feeling pretty depressed.  I feel like a need a sponsor.