Bonjour à tous,
I’m new here, and I have to say I’m really glad I found a site like this.
I’m 45 years old and had been living with an amazing woman for 21 years. We have a home and two young daughters, aged 6 and 10.
I was diagnosed as gifted/high IQ three years ago, and only diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. Around the same time, things were becoming increasingly difficult for my partner. She was starting to question her feelings for me, and she was becoming more and more exhausted from having to manage everything, deal with my forgetfulness, my many time-consuming projects and activities, and above all, my mood swings and emotional reactions.
The ADHD diagnosis helped us for a while, but unfortunately it didn’t last. I refused to take medication and foolishly thought I could overcome all of this through willpower alone. She gave me a second chance, but without treatment, I eventually fell back into the same patterns.
And then, a month ago, emotionally exhausted, she left me.
We now take turns living in our house with the children, one week each, and we are going to have the house valued soon because we will probably have to sell it.
I never wanted to hurt her. Realizing how much pain I had actually caused her completely devastated me.
And the worst part is that this breakup was an enormous wake-up call for me.
I immediately started taking the medication I had been prescribed. I’m seeing a psychologist. I’ve been reading and learning a lot about ADHD. I’ve stopped getting angry and trying to constantly convince her of things. I make sure that everything is in perfect order in the house when she takes it back — cleaning, laundry, meals, etc. I try not to beg her to come back because I don’t want to put any more pressure or stress on her. I’m getting organized and I’m doing a very good job of taking care of the children on my own without getting angry. I’m finally taking better care of myself too — eating properly, exercising, paying more attention to the way I dress, etc.
For the first time, I can clearly see that real change is possible. Of course, I still have a lot of work to do, and I know that genuine change will take much longer than a month.
What horrifies me is that I had to lose her before I finally understood what was wrong and found the strength to change.
And, if I’m completely honest, for now my main motivation for changing is the hope that I might be able to win her back someday.
I would really appreciate your opinions, advice and support.
Do you think I have any chance of winning her back if I genuinely manage to change?
Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this, and for any advice or personal experiences you might be willing to share.
