My Fiancé has always thought the world of me and we had a very strong loving long term relationship. A few ups and downs and minor disagreements here and there along the way, but a very happy healthy relationship. He proposed to me in Italy in July 2025 with a ring he designed himself and had a bespoke Jeweller make and put a lot of thought in to it and was very serious about it.
He went through a very stressful period a few months ago when he was having his Bathroom refurbished and a rouge trades man ruined it and caused immense damage. The guy was unhinged and got a Debt collector on to my Fiancé and the guy even sent threats they were going to come round and hurt him. It was a worrying time but thankfully all resolved. During this period a couple of minor disagreements we had made him want to breakup and he got very angry. These were no different to other minor disagreements we'd had in the past which he always knew were a normal part of any relationship and he was normally unphased by. He soon calmed down however and said breaking up would have been a really ridiculous desicion and he was really excited about getting married. I think he was just really overwhelmed and stressed with life and any added stress made him get a temporary urge to flee in the moment.
My Fiancé was then diagnosed with ADHD he has suspected he had ADHD for years, and said he thinks he's ADHD on our very first Date. After is official Diagnosis he started Elvanse. First couple of weeks he was a bit moody and withdrawn in the evenings due to the rebound effect but once he got adjusted things were great. He was very loving and romantic, buying me flowers, taking me out, making future plans for us, and said we'd have a very happy marriage and he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. We were really happy together.
He then started 50mg of Elvanse and within 2 weeks he was having irrational angry outbursts at people over things that made no sense such as getting really angry with a guy at work for complaining about having to do building work in extreme heat, the guy just made a simple comment that he didnt like doing heavy work in sweltering heat, and my Fiancé was in a foul mood eight hours after the guy made this perfectly reasonable statement. The reaction was bizzarre. My Fiancé also had a really angry outburst at me saying I was talking too loud when I was talking in a normal tone of voice. He was so unpleasant I cried, this was very scary and unusual behaviour and very out of character for him so naturally I was disturbed. The next day he was full of apologies, blamed the medication, and took me out for a drink. 4 days later He made a very impulsive irrational desicion where he blew a lot of money and was 2 hours late for a trip his mum had planned for us all and we all missed the trip. I was upset as we were supposed to be saving for a Wedding and he upset his mum by being late and then got really angry with her for crying, which was really out of character for him, and I had words with him as he'd behaved in a totally unacceptable way. Things calmed down eventually though and he was nice, loving, and calm again.
But 2 days later immediately after I whatsapped him a potential Wedding venue to look at , he sent a horrible text saying we arent going through with the Wedding as committing to each other would be a mistake as we dont match anymore and although it pains him to let me down we just wont find happiness together. For about 10 days after he was extremely cold, angry, and mean and even sent my mum a bizarre unhinged rant for the way she treated me when I was a child due to her mental health.
Its now been 5 weeks and hes given me my stuff back and took me to the bank to close our joint account, but hes seems very upset and distressed and cant offer any real explanation for seperating just he doesn't have what I need from someone and that its always a good time to break up in the summer and the relationship was too comfortable. Hes a skinny guy and has lost weight since the breakup up which is concerning. After the bank visit he sent a weird message saying hes sorry for deciding to seperate and sorry for letting me down, but he will be forever grateful for what we shared. None of it made any sense at all as he was basically acknowledging we had a great relationship but he was ending it for no specific reason. He also took me for coffee and cake after the bank like a Date and was terrified saying he'd understand if I never spoke to him again after what hes done, but he begged me to keep in touch with him as he cares greatly for me.
He started replying to my polite check ins, at first it took him a while to respond but when he did he was telling me about his life, parents, some nice vegan ice cream he had, hes now more communicative and is worrying about my health issues, and said thats hes been behaving very manic at work and is lowering his Elvanse back to 40mg this week which is what he took when things were great between us.
He was on Holiday with his Mum this week after lowering the dose, and reached out offering to buy me some records in a Music Shop he knew I'd like. The Shop closed, but he went back 2 days later and got them for me anyway and called for a 15 minute chat about his holiday and apologised that I couldn't go. When I said oh well he chose to breakup he said "it is what it is". I said I felt very confused as he'd not really explained and had been very vague about why he ended it. He just said he thought he had explained his many reasons but he quickly changed the subject. Which made me feel he knows he has done wrong and that he was being defensive because he feels deep shame/embarrassment and doesnt have any real reason for ending a great relationship.
Its such a horrible situation as I would never imagine him doing this to me, and all that makes sense is the elvanse caused him to behave so weird and randomly end things. Even his Neighbours who he was close to have told me he seems to be deliberately avoiding them, hasnt mentioned us splitting, and said when I wasnt around he was always talking about me, and was excited a week before ending things about me moving in with him and that he seemed devoted to me. Its very weird to break off an engagement but to then buy gifts for me whilst on holiday, and want to chat to me, and say about meeting soon. I really dont know what to make of it as its very weird behaviour. Does too much Elvanse sound a plausible explanation? and if so could he be wanting to reconcile now hes adjusting to the 40mg? Its so upsetting and confusing.
