Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all,

 

first post here. I (M, non-ADHD) have a wife who has not (yet) been diagnosed, but shows all the symptoms of ADHD and RSD. Together for 16 years and 3 kids. I have read both books from Melissa, as well as another book (Is it You, Me or ADHD), and 2 other books to work on myself to deal with the parent-child pattern better and take care of myself and my own boundaries better.

Non-ADHD spouse, 17 year marriage. Spouse diagnosed about a year ago. After 17 years of marriage, I’ve had to let my standards for cleanliness and order go. I’ve had to endure him blaming me for clutter - which is all his our our children’s. I’ve had to endure him calling me crazy for trying to connect, needy or too sensitive for trying to talk through issues (related to him or not), and of course been the target of RSD rages. He is helpful and has good coping mechanisms for ADHD, notably rigidity and strict conformance to what he self-assigns as “his” chores.

So I am leaving him finally, my ADHD husband. I don't know how. Right now I am staying at a friend's house. I have no idea what I'm going to do next or how I will move forward but I am certain that I must leave. 

My ADHD partner and I both recently bought over the ear headphones.

So I got an email from my abusive ex after not hearing from him for over 3 years. He is right where he was previously with no apparent ability to move on. He first sent me a video of a romantic song, then launched into a tirade of how I am a monster who betrayed him by leaving, ruined him financially, and turned him away from seeking relationships with other women. He said I have a "pattern" of leaving relationships "after only 10-12 years because he knew my marriage lasted 12 years and I dumped him after 11 years. Yep, it's still all my fault, according to him, that he's still alone and broke without a job. 

Just read, or rather, listened to the book because I also have dyslexia and am enthusiastic about getting diagnosed and finally getting help although my wife doesn't share my enthusiasm because I've caused so much harm to our relationship.

I first joined this group 8 years ago, searching for answers about why my relationship with my husband was so confusing, painful, and complicated. I found this group to be a lovely resource, but it still didn't feel like it fully explained what was going on with my marriage. A year after I joined this site, I packed up my children and left my husband. A year after that (he had vowed he had changed), we got back together and had another baby. Three years after that, I realized my heart was too broken, nothing had really changed, and I left again, but this time for good.

ADHD partner here - first of all I want to acknowledge that every ADHD marriage will be different, so I don't claim to speak on behalf of your ADHD partners/ex partners - I'm just concerned for my own non-ADHD partner and I'm not really sure how to address it.

Essentially it feels to me like she thinks she has to save everyone else from their chaos - because no one else will, but that this is an expectation she puts on herself, not something I feel like everybody else actually wants her to do (especially not if they saw how it was affecting her)

Hello everyone, possible ADHD spouse here. My wife and I met at the end of our teen years, met on Myspace, from similar places, know the same people and we fell in love. Per the book she fell in love with the un-diagnosed ADHD spontaneous, quirky, funny, loving guy who would give her an amazing/rough 16yrs like many ADHD and NON relationships. Financially we were never too far from the edge, having kids a 6 years after meeting one another meant I would raise them in the morning then work nights.