Engage Your Pain

ADHD & Marriage News - November 5, 2025

Quote of the Week

“Pain is mandatory for all of us. It’s what teaches us. Suffering is what’s optional. That’s what happens when we try to skip over the pain.” -

- Glennon Doyle

Pain is part of life. In my own life, much of that pain (though certainly not all) has come from trying to figure out how to live with the unexpected hitchhiker in my relationship – ADHD. At this point I’ve worked with a whole lot of couples doing the same thing and one thing is abundantly clear. You cannot move away from suffering this pain unless you engage with it. Confront the ADHD in yourself or your partner. Accept that it’s there, and allow it to teach you.

What can that pain teach? Compassion. Love. Understanding. Resilience. Your power to affect change in challenging circumstances. That together you can be triumphant.

In order to move away from pain and stop suffering, you have to move all the way through the pain cycle, which has several steps. Or, you can choose to avoid pain and disengage or retreat. If you do this latter, you will continue in your suffering, for what’s causing the pain will likely not go away. Even divorce, which can eliminate the issues a specific partner brings to the relationship, doesn’t fully address the pain. I have yet to meet a person who wouldn’t have preferred to be happily married to a past partner instead of divorced.

Can you be brave enough to engage with your pain, and take the steps you yourself need to take to start to work through it?

i2a Masterclass: Mastering Learning Conversations

Turn tension into understanding in your ADHD impacted relationship.

November 18 - FULL. Wow! We've had an overwhelmingly positive response to our Masterclass on Learning Conversations!

NEW DATE: December 3, 7:30p EST - We're opening a second date to make sure that all of you who want to join us, can.
RSVP Now!

Want to talk to your partner without it turning into a fight or a shutdown?

Learning conversations are structured, compassionate dialogues that replace blame with curiosity and create safety for real connection.

Learn More and RSVP Now! Apply these tools at home right away!

i2a Highlights:

i2a Book Clubs -- Experts joining us to talk about their books. Join us!

November 6th 8:30p EST: We get to talk to Dr. Lyne Piche again, this time more specifically about her book, ADHD & Sex. Melissa will facilitate this conversation – it’ll be a fun evening!

December 1st 7:30p EST: We're thrilled to announce that Dr. Sharon Saline will join us on to talk about her fabulous book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew.

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"It's so great to get all of this support for a small amount every month. It was very cost effective to join i2a -- it's hard to find folks who know about ADHD impacted relationships, so i2a is everything on a platter! You can't get 1 hour of counseling for our monthly price." (Non ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - Registration will open Thursday, November 13th at 6:00pm EST. Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question:

Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."