Five Lessons for Living

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Quote of the Week

Lessons for Living: Five surprising principles for living, loving, and playing well together
1. Radical Acceptance: You can’t fix the ones you love, so focus on fixing yourself
2. The Beauty of Benign Neglect: It’s more harmful to overparent than underparent
3. Opposites Don’t Attract Forever: Seek a mate whose values and background echo your own
4. Social Networks Matter: The strength of your friendships is as critical for your health as the lifestyle choices you make
5. Lust diminishes, but Love Remains: Being inured to your partner isn’t the same as being out of love.

- Psychology Today, Sept/Oct 2012

Five Lessons for Living

I LOVED this list…and wish I had written it myself.  (If you’re interested in the article, it can be found here, at Psychology Today

Each and every thing on this list is right on target for thriving in ADHD-impacted relationships. Focus on your own challenges, not those of your partner. Don’t get too involved in ‘saving’ or ‘protecting’ your partner (i.e. don’t parent your partner!). Make sure you share the same values…and reinforce those values in the choices you make together. Schedule time to keep your relationships – with each other and with others who are important to you – strong. And don’t mistake ambivalence about the daily grind and the years you’ve been together with falling out of love. Instead of asking “Am I still in love with my partner?” ask “What can I do to restore our connection?”

In my mind, this list – and the ideas it embodies – should be reviewed regularly by all couples. It would help remind us about the actions we need to take to make sure our relationship stays healthy!

Relationships and ADHD

If you or your spouse has ADHD, consider reading my new book, The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD.  In this book co-author, Nancie Kohlenberger, LMFT, and I provide insight and advice about how to deal with 21 emotional 'hot spots' common in ADHD-impacted relationships.  ADHD experts who reviewed it were extremely enthusiastic about its practical advice and ability to inspire positive changes in relationships.  You can find two free chapters at