“Some people care too much. I think it’s called love.” - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
Is there such a thing as caring to much? I think the answer is ‘yes...’ I think you are caring too much when ‘doing for others’ (or caring for others) makes you lose your own self in your relationship(s). When your purpose becomes all about ‘them’ and not about ‘you.’ When the things you used to love about yourself are buried under a laundry list of ‘to dos’ and ‘must dos.’
Sadly, I see a lot of partners (both men and, even more often, women) lose themselves in relationships in which ADHD went undiagnosed for some time. In an effort to figure out how to ‘fix’ something that didn’t originate with themselves, non-ADHD partners can ‘adjust and adjust’ until there is little left of them. Yet this approach simply doesn’t work. It’s not until both partners know how ADHD – and responses to ADHD – are impacting their relationship that they can start to thrive again.
And, part of that thriving? Learning how NOT to lose yourself in your relationship but, rather, care enough about yourself to remember what you love most about you. Healthy relationships are about caring about yourself enough so that you don’t fall into the trap of ‘caring too much’ about others that you forget yourself.
ADHD Partner Group - Thursdays at 9am Pacific time (12pm eastern time), starts October 20.
Non-ADHD Partner Group - Fridays at 9am Pacific time (12pm eastern time), starts October 21.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship. The live session started last week. If you wish a reminder when registration for the Q1 couples seminar begins, contact Melissa.
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!