Q: “But why should I praise him like he’s a golden retriever for things he should be doing in the first place?”
A: It is not about bolstering a mate’s ego but about establishing an atmosphere of kindness and respect, which is ultimately a more fertile ground for affecting change.”
- Jancee Dunn and Gary Chapman
Like a Dog
I hear this ‘why should I praise him for things he’s supposed to be doing?’ question all the time! And my answer is ‘because you can.’ And because many things our partner’s take on are harder for them than we might imagine.
It’s harder for a person with ADHD to get organized, stay on task, plan something, or remember something than many without ADHD understand. To ‘do the things he was supposed to be doing’ takes considerable effort – for which one should get credit.
The same goes in the other direction, too. It’s far harder to manage the anxiety, frustration and fear that living in a state of chaos over which you have little control induces (aka living with a partner with ADHD.) Non-ADHD partners who learn how to manage these feelings (and nagging, anger and more) should be thanked and acknowledged.
Really, it’s all about creating that atmosphere of observation and respect. You both deserve that.
Have you acknowledged your partner for his or her effort lately?
Starting in 2 Days: REGISTER NOW FOR THE ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples Seminar THAT STARTS OCTOBER 13. Go to this page for all the details. "I am the ADHD partner (and) I am not a novice to self-help and professional modalities. Your course is the best thing I have ever encountered for actual hands on non-judgmental tools for understanding, saving, and renewing relationship with ADHD. Your presentation is superb."
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session starts October 13, 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!